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“My 5yo: ‘Mom, can people be both ninjas and a... 10 Jan 2013 | 02:07 am
“My 5yo: ‘Mom, can people be both ninjas and a doctor? Their bosses won’t care?’” - Anna Rice (@rockinanna) via Twitter
“Butterball has a hotline? God, I’m sorry, I love my... 23 Nov 2012 | 05:28 am
“Butterball has a hotline? God, I’m sorry, I love my country.” - President Bartlet on the West Wing, tweeted by Sorkin Dialogue (@sorkinese) via Twitter
“I know long hair don’t care. But why? Why is hair... 21 Nov 2012 | 01:54 am
“I know long hair don’t care. But why? Why is hair of a certain length so CONSUMED by apathy?” - @donni via Twitter
“Ran into a guy today. His breath smelled like warm dirty... 19 Oct 2012 | 10:42 pm
“Ran into a guy today. His breath smelled like warm dirty pennies.” -Von Glitschka (@vonster) via Twitter
“Just looked out in the back yard only to see that tonight... 21 Sep 2012 | 08:33 pm
“Just looked out in the back yard only to see that tonight must have been Raccoon Wrestling Smackdown. I thought it was Thursdays.” -Taylor Nall (@jtnall) via Twitter
“Almost dropped my Kindle in the sand, then thought... 8 Sep 2012 | 01:45 am
“Almost dropped my Kindle in the sand, then thought ‘Sandy Kindles’ would be a pretty solid porn star name.” - Dan Sullivan (@DanielJSullivan) via Twitter
“More people are killed each year by dishwashers than by... 25 Aug 2012 | 01:40 am
“More people are killed each year by dishwashers than by sharks.” - The Google Fact (@thegooglefact) via Twitter (retweeted by @katieolecki and @inkedpaige)
“Cats are hairy little dictators.” -Molly... 18 Aug 2012 | 04:44 am
“Cats are hairy little dictators.” -Molly (@holycatswhatnow) via Twitter
“I’ve been doing impersonations of Bane from... 11 Aug 2012 | 04:10 am
“I’ve been doing impersonations of Bane from ‘Dark Knight Rises’ and I think I sound closer to a muffled Mr. Belvedere.” -Brooks Terry via Facebook
“The bird outside my window was totally tweeting the intro... 21 Jul 2012 | 05:35 am
“The bird outside my window was totally tweeting the intro beats to brass monkey this morning.” -Heather Ivy (@heatherivy) via Twitter
