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Lamar Odom Representative Denies Basketball Player Missing 27 Aug 2013 | 09:20 pm

LOS ANGELES—Following numerous unofficial reports that former Los Angeles Lakers forward and current free agent Lamar Odom has gone missing, a representative for the basketball player sought to quash ...

Your Horoscopes – Week Of August 27, 2013 27 Aug 2013 | 08:15 pm

Aries You'll continue playing dress-up this week, despite being almost 30, and feeling kind of silly every time you put on that professional-looking suit. Taurus Remember: God means something differen...

American Voices: Panda Born At D.C.’s National Zoo 27 Aug 2013 | 08:00 pm

After being artificially inseminated earlier this year, the Smithsonian National Zoo’s resident female panda Mei Xiang gave birth to a healthy 4.8-ounce cub Friday.

Person Sitting In Parked Car At 2:00 A.M. Probably Upstanding Member Of Community 27 Aug 2013 | 01:00 am

SUDBURY, MA—Sources confirmed Monday that the man seen parked on a residential street at 2:00 a.m.

Study: Americans Enjoy Watching TV, Eating 27 Aug 2013 | 12:30 am

WASHINGTON—According to a new study published Monday by the Pew Research Center, Americans enjoy watching television and eating.

American Voices: ’N Sync Reunites At VMAs 27 Aug 2013 | 12:05 am

Boy band ’N Sync briefly reunited last night at the MTV Video Music Awards, singing and dancing to snippets of their hit songs “Girlfriend” and “Bye Bye Bye” as part of a longer medley performed by fo...

Town Nervously Welcomes Veteran Back Home 27 Aug 2013 | 12:00 am

BEVERLY, MA—Upon Sgt. 1st Class Ted Orcutt’s return from a year of active combat duty in Afghanistan, the 34-year-old veteran’s tight-knit community came out in full force to nervously welcome him hom...

Woman Who Left Room Crying Earlier Expects To Jump Back Into Party Just Like That 26 Aug 2013 | 10:15 pm

RUTLAND, VT—Despite being seen weeping as she left the room 15 minutes ago, area woman Rebecca Fordham, 35, apparently expects to easily and unobtrusively slip right back into the party and continue s...

Nation Feels Fucking Awful For Woman Who Sits Between Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith 26 Aug 2013 | 10:00 pm

BRISTOL, CT—Expressing their deepest most heartfelt sympathy, the American public announced Thursday that they feel really fucking terrible for the poor woman who sits between Skip Bayless and Stephen...

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