birds on a wire View RSS

the promise 15 Apr 2021 7:51 AM (4 years ago)

balancing act 29 Dec 2020 11:58 AM (4 years ago)

 I used to come here to this space almost daily. In those early days of motherhood, I remember feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride, when I would write a blog post, "sharing" what we did all day, my babies and I. 
Blogging was how I "found" many of my friends, when I was at home with young babies, and then isolated in the far remote North. I remember reading posts of bloggers from all over the world, and some of them became real life friends, while others became virtual friends. 
Blogging was a way for me to connect, to archive, to document. It was a way to collaborate. This was all before smart phones and social media. All before we could snap a pic and instantly upload it to see who was liking and following us. Blogging was a digital diary, and it was slow, meaningful and took it thought.
It's been months since I've come to this space. The truth is, is that I have been so incredibly busy with a new school program, that I really don't have much time for slow personal writing. 
Nowadays I spend much of my days at the computer, taking 4 hrs of online classes a day, and then writing essays and assignments. I often fall asleep exhausted and the last thing I truthfully want to do, is to get back on a computer to write or edit photos. That is why it has been quiet here. 
Right now, life is a balancing act and I am the person holding it all together. Somedays it feels overwhelming, but I know that this is important, and I am getting one step closer to my goal of becoming an ECE (Early Childhood Educator). This time next year, I will be finished my program and I'll be able to begin this career.  A career that feels like an extension of being a mother, if I am being honest. Maybe that is why I wanted to follow this path- because my babies are growing up and I am not ready to say goodbye to the early years. 
And so here we are, at the end of very crazy and strange year. For the world it's been hard, for personal reasons, its been hard too. It's the end of a tough year and truthfully, I'm exhausted. This is usually the time of year where I search for a "word" to help guide me through the coming year. I'm feeling pulled towards the word FAITH, faith has lead me through some tough time this year. Faith is also something I am continuously cultivating. 
I will sign off with some images from the last 3 months. I'll try not to go overboard. 
Here's to a happy and healthy New Year. 

Summer Days 27 Jul 2020 8:54 AM (5 years ago)

life goes on 20 May 2020 10:30 AM (5 years ago)

Today the sun is shining, we've been out for a bike ride, we had a social distanced visit with Jess and kids. This is our new normal. School will not return this year, and we will continue to homeschool for a few more weeks, then summer will begin!

Right now, I am feeling good and at peace with life. While COVID 19 has brought much uncertainty to people's lives, I must say, that it has blessed us with the gift of family time - something that had been taken away from us due to our busy work/activity schedules. Life has slowed down. There are more walks, slower family meals, campfires and backyard play. It's slow and I am not complaining.

A few weeks ago, tragedy struck here in our adopted home province of Nova Scotia. To spare the gory details, I will just say that it was a tragic loss of innocent lives. It was completely shocking and unfathomable. 22 lives and an unborn baby were senslessly taken. Children lost their parents infront of them, grandparents taken, an RCMP, a teacher, nurses.... community people. And it make the whole thing more unbareable, families and friends weren't allowed to grieve together. The isolation made it that much worse.

On a personal note, it was a hard time for us as an RCMP family. Winslow had been called to scene, when the shooter was still active- which in itself was a very sobering moment for us. Thankfully, he didn't attned the actual scene- as when he was on his way, it was called off.  And then in the aftermath of the tragedy, he was called out to the scenes to investigate. It was a hard time. I was so heartbroken for those that lost a loved one, and I was feeling very isolated from the suport that I usually rely on (due to COVID, friends could come by to spend time with us). I'll be honest, this sent me into a dark place for a few weeks. Anxiety and depression came creeping in, and although it wasn't completely debilatating, it did make for a rough few weeks.

Thankfully, things slowly started to turn around. The days warmed up, and the garden beckoned me to come outside. The trails reopened, and walks in the forest were once again permitted. The beaches reopened as well, and social distanced visits are now ok. This week I had a socially distanced coffee date on my back porch with friends and it felt so good.

And so here we are. 2.5 months into this new life of COVID 19, where social restrictions will be our new normal, and the way we do normal daily tasks will forever be changed. Playgrounds are still closed, as are libraries and restaurants. It will be interesting to see how things move forward, but for now, we are trying to enjoy our days and the gift of family time. Our relationships have been strengthened, and that is one thing that I will never take for granted.

these days 11 Apr 2020 5:14 AM (5 years ago)

It has snowed twice. We've also had days of warmth, sun and heat. I've been home, so have the kids- except for one grocery shop that went horribly wrong (for me) last week. Picture me, with a small grocery cart, trying to do a large shop. Stuff piled high and falling onto the dirty floor. Me, hot and panicky - forgetting things, heart beating. It wasn't nice. I am therefore only going to send Winslow from now on. He's much better at handling things like this.
Our days have found a rhythm to them. It kinda goes like this. Wake up, coffee and chores. Breakfast, home learning (in our pyjamas - we are true homeschoolers now). Then free time (art, baking, games, play). Lunch, outside, Facetime with friends and family, exercise, T.V. / social media / movies.
Lately I've been getting the kids (one kid at a time), to help me make supper. This only seems to work because Winslow is home from work, and gives attention to Wesley. Noah has made a cake, cinnamon rolls. Katia made spaghetti and caesar salad, roasted garlic chicken and rice. It's been nice to be able to teach these skills to the kids. The gift of this time has been that we can do these things.
We have also been enjoying family suppers together. Usually Winslow isn't home for supper, and now that his schedule has been adjusted (due to COVID), we have had this time together. Very nice :)
What else have we been doing? Walks, lots of yard work (when it's not snowing), decorating our front lawn, puzzles, board games and just lot's of down time.
As for me, I've been finding myself quite tired these days. By 2pm, I really seem to want a nap. Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't nap in the day. I can't shut my mind off. But lately I have been. Naps or just closing my eyes. Two days ago, I sat out on a lawn chair in my backyard and closed my eyes for 10 mins while I listened to all the chattering of the birds. It's lovely.
Other thoughts, if you've followed this blog back from the start, or at least for the last 6 years, you will know that we lived in a very remote community for 2 years in the Yukon. This community had a population of 80, and it was a 2 hrs drive to the closest grocery store, that was in Alaska. Talk about remote. I won't lie. Those years were hard for me. Aside from one set of amazing neighbours (Chrissie and James -who we are still friends with), I suffered from a lack of social support while there. I also battled depression. It was tough. While it was tough, I also learned some important lessons during those years. Things like how to "make do" or how to plan ahead (for groceries, upcoming holidays ect), how to be creative and adaptable. How a walk can count as your daily outing. How calling a friend can be a lifesaver when you are feeling lonely. Many lessons were learned while there.
I continue to think of and feel so much gratitude for our frontline health workers and essential workers. These people are working and sacrificing their health (and their family's health), so that we may have ours. Let's honour and thank them by staying home, and socially distancing.
With love.
xox 

when the world shut down 30 Mar 2020 2:15 PM (5 years ago)

It's March 30, 2020 and we are curently in the midst of a world epidemic, and have been ordered to stay home. Life has changed drastically for the entire world, in just a few short weeks. What started as an isolated virus in China, has spread across the world, and has done unimaginable damage in China, Italy and the US. Here in Canada, the virus continues to spread, and we see the numbers climb everyday. 
For the majority of people, they will recover at home, with symptoms that resemble a cough/cold and pneumonia. For the older folks and immune compromised, however, those people can die and be hospitalized. It's scary how fast this virus has spread.
Businesses have closed. People have been ordered to work from home. Schools are closed, and aren't set to open for at least another month- if that. People have been ordered not to socialize. If you do have to socialize, you are to keep a 6 ft distance from each other, for fear of the virus spreading.
It's hard to believe that life has changed so much. Just 3 weeks ago, we were making plans for March Break, people were planning their trips down South, we were making plans to have neighbours come over for supper. Now we can't have play dates or coffee dates, church is cancelled and only essential stores stay open. All the municipal, provincial and national parks/beaches/trails are closed to the public.
So here we are, 2 weeks into self isolation. We have started a loose form of homeschooling/routine and are spending LOTS of family time together. Somedays are harder than others. It feels overwhelming to think that this could go on for a few more months. School may not reopen this year, and when I start to think that way, it becomes overwhelming. So we are just taking it day by day. Lot's of art and baking. Lot's of walks and board games. Lot's of movies and FaceTime. We do our best to look for the silver linings of these days, and try to remind ourselves that we are fortunate to be safe and warm, and together.
What a time to be living. It's felt unreal at times, where days flow into the next. Where each day feels like groundhog day.
There's not much more to say, other than we are doing what we can to be safe and healthy, and that we hope this will all be a distant memory someday in the not so distant future.
Be well dear friends. Be safe.
xox 

 

everyday magic 4 Jan 2020 4:09 AM (5 years ago)

A New Year is upon us, and it presents us with an opportunity to look back on the past 365 days that we just had. Perhaps the last year brought you hardships and difficult waters to navigate, perhaps it brought adventure and joy. Perhaps it was a mix of everything, highs and lows, ups and downs, good days and bad.
For me, when I take a moment to look back on the last year, I am reminded that while we didn't do a great many BIG things, it was the little everyday things that made our year oh so full and magical.
While we didn't get to go on any big trips as a family,  we adventured instead in our own beautiful neck of the woods- camping, hiking, swimming and eating local.
While we didn't win the jackpot or make a big promotion at work,  we found happiness, fulfilment and gratitude for what have. And boy do we have a lot.
While my husband and I didn't get to go away together, as we have been dreaming about for years, we found ways to make the most of our time together. Little pockets of time in the day, when the kids are at school, or the occasional date night - time we carve out for each other. After all the years, we still love each other and want to be with one another. What's better than that?
And so, here I am to say that life doesn't have to be full of expensive trips or fancy things to make you happy. There is magic in the everyday, and in celebration of that, I am going to list the most magical things that happened to me in the last year.

~ we kayaked on the open ocean. Felt the sea salt water splash in our faces. Bobbed along the water with the seals just feet away from us.
~ I finally hiked the Cape Split trail. Something that had been on my bucket list for years. The view at the end was spectacular.
~ I found sea stars and beach glass with Katia in the city harbour. Treasures, just waiting to be discovered.
~ I poured out my heart to a room full of photography enthusiasts. It was terrifying and liberating all at once.
~ We went camping for four nights in Cape Breton as a family. We saw beautiful coastal scapes, ate campfire spaghetti, had many smores, slept terribly but cuddled together in a tent.
~ I decided to let me hair go grey. No more hiding who I am. No more apologizing for who I am.
~ We rented a cottage in PEI and found it to be the most magical spot. Seals banked on the sandbars, starfish and hermit crabs in the warm waters. Owls swooping overhead at dusk. Coffee on the beach each morning. Heaven.
~ I celebrated 1 year of being sober. I chose to look at my feelings and problems head on. I chose to heal myself, and take care of myself.

~ We planted a little garden box in our backyard and in exchange had many green and yellow beans to munch on. The lettuce didn't do so great, neither did the peppers- but you can always count on the beans- and they taste so great fresh from the vine.
~ Spontaneously, we hired a babysitter, and my husband and I jumped on his motorcycle, like we used to do 14 years ago and went out for Thai food.
~ I held a workshop for creative women to come together and make art, discuss home life, make floral arrangements and talk about photography.
~ We had campfires on the beach with our Ottawa friends. As we watched the sun set, we made sure to give it a big applause. I still remember the sparks flying in the wind and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

Happy New Year dear friends. This year, I'm choosing to nurture and cultivate a grateful heart. What magical everyday moments happened to this past year? 

nurture 29 Dec 2019 4:08 PM (5 years ago)

The holidays are nearing the end, and after a rich month, full of parties and celebrations, I am ready to clear out the clutter, simplify after all the excess, and find focus once again. 

I love the holidays, especially Christmas, but I'd be lying if I didn't mention how exhausting the month of December can be to a mama of three- oh and add in a birthday and a trip to Ottawa for good measure! 
December is lovely, but I often feel like I am running a marathon, all on my own, to make it magical and special for everyone. It's exhausting. A good and fulfilling kind of exhausting, but exhausting none the less. 
So here we are, just on the other side of Christmas. As I write this, I am in bed, in a Best Western hotel in Edmunston NB. We are on our way back to NS, after a trip home to Ottawa. We saw our loved ones, ate so many treats, the kids were spoiled with gifts, and we had the opportunity to visit with friends. It was busy and whirlwind, and now we feel ready to return to life and routine. 
This time of year always has me feel renewed and ready to prioritize. I feel a sense of focus and a desire to turn my energy towards intentions. I seek clarity, focus and to lessen the distractions. 
Each year at this time of year, I start to look inwards for a motivational word that will help guide me forward into the New Year. In previous years, I chose words such as: Peace, Adventure, and Quiet. Last year I chose the word Focus and upon looking back at 2019, I can see that the word Focus and 2019 really went hand in hand. Last year was a great year for me in terms of growth in my photography. I led a workshop called, Heart+Hand Creative Workshop and also was a guest speaker at the Sackville Photography Club. I love how the word that I chose really helped to guide me towards some goals that I am very proud of. 
And so here we are, on the cusp of a new year and decade, and I am feeling the pull more and more to live a true and authentic life. As I get older, I feel the need less to participate in all the bull shit that society tells me that I need to do. I've learned a lot over the last few years.  Saying no is good for me,  I don't have to colour my hair, that I don't owe apologies and explanations to people for the decisions I make for myself, that the shape of my body is beautiful and doesn't need to be hidden. I have learned to be proud of my talents. That I am unique and can bring a lot to the table. That my happiness, creativity, sense of self all depend on how I take care of myself. This year I will be focusing on nurturing my self. This year's word will be Nurture.
I'm ready to put the focus on nurturing all aspects of myself. My creative self, my mental and physical health. Some of the ways I plan on nurturing myself are to, carve out chunks of time - just for creating. Practicing drawing once again. Make time for walks in nature. Prepare healthy and healing food , and to find time for quiet and reflection. 
If you like participating in this practice, feel free to share your words with me and the meaning behind them. I love hearing about what others choose. 
Happy New Year dear friends! 
xox 

a little bit of everything 8 Dec 2019 4:27 PM (5 years ago)

It's just over two weeks till Christmas, and here I am, taking a moment to catch up on where our lives have been taking us.
Fall was beautiful and busy for us. I ticked some big goals off my bucket list, and also discovered some new found time for myself. Winslow and I went on a date to see Jenn Grant (my favourite musician). I hiked Cape Split with my friend Tania- a hike I've been wanting to do for the last 4 years. We hosted a few families for Thanksgiving dinner.

November saw us celebrating Katia's 8th birthday. Of course I always have felt that she is older than her age. For her birthday, we welcomed a sweet bunny into our family. His name is Baxter Bunny.
And here we are in December. We've been busy with choir Christmas concerts, traditions such as cutting down our tree, and our kindness elves. Sometimes it doesn't feel like I have enough time to get it all done- the baking, the crafting, the cards and the gifts, but I'm trying to let go of all those unrealistic expectations (that I put on myself), and just enjoy some of the simple things, such as reading our favourite books and watching our favourite movies.
And so I will leave with s smorgasbord of photos. This time of year is so magical, I just want to capture it all.
xox

dear fall 13 Oct 2019 5:26 PM (6 years ago)

Dear Fall, you know I love you. I love your colours, your smells, your cooler temperatures, your permission to slow down. I love your pumpkins of all different colours and sizes. The pale green and pink Cinderella ones are especially pretty.
Fall, I love how you usher in the slow season, with the invitation to eat warm soups and drink spicy tea. I love that it's ok, to cozy up with blankets and a favourite movie . And that orange twinkle lights on the mantle are perfectly acceptable. 
Fall, I love that you bring us back to the heart of the home. All summer, we play and explore our beautiful province, but in the Fall- we cozy up and find comfort inside this place that we love.
Dear Fall, you are my favourite season of all. 

canoe cove 27 Aug 2019 11:56 AM (6 years ago)

 We just returned from a week in PEI with our family from Ottawa, and from the island. It was everything I always knew PEI to be. 
PEI holds all kinds of memories for me, mostly beautiful memories of my childhood summers, but also some memories of heart break and disappointment. I'm happy to say, this visit was a happy one. One filled with beautiful memories, that we will tuck away in our heart until next time. 
We stayed at a little seaside cottage in Canoe Cove, right on the Northumberland Straight. The water and sands were warm. The tides came and went. We found star fish, crabs and moon snails. We watched seals play in the water and rest on the sandbars. It was beautiful. 
We also made our way around the island, doing the amusement parks and Anne of Green Gables in Cavendish (I don't love amusement parks, but seeing the kids' faces light up was sweet), and doing some shopping at the PEI Preserve Company and in Charlottetown. 
We also celebrated three birthdays while there, Noah, Nanas and Maya's, and we ate plenty of Cows icecream- Apple Crisp is by far my favourite flavour. 
PEI, you were good to us. You gave us walks on the beach, beach glass to find, delicious food to enjoy and so much more. 
Until next time. 
xox

summer train of thought 10 Aug 2019 3:07 PM (6 years ago)

Tea with friends. Fires on the beach. Many kms clocked. Jumping in the ocean. Cold prickles all over my arms. Sand everywhere. People who know you best. Changes are hard. Accepting changes can be harder. Ask yourself the tough questions. Summer is fleeting. Grieving what was once. Crying is ok. Back to school shoes. Beginning to plan ahead. Sleep interrupted. Goals and dreams. Overwhelmed and unsure. Tired AF. Envy. Water your own grass. Should we go away? Be intentional. Slow the fuck down. Don't feel pressured. Mint tea from the garden. Chives stored away for the winter. I want slow and simple. My priorities won't change.

=

summer thoughts 14 Jul 2019 3:27 AM (6 years ago)

It's mid July. Summer had a cool and wet start to it, but we are now starting to kick it up a notch, with hot days and all sorts of summery things. 
We just returned from a 5 day camping trip to Ingonish, Cape Breton. We had gone there 2 years ago, when Wes was one and a half. We had only spent two nights there in 2017, so this time, we chose to stay four nights, and it was very nice. 
Lets be honest here, camping with three kids and a dog is not exactly a relaxing vacation by any means, but as the years go by, it becomes more and more apparent, that time is moving by far too quickly, and that these memories that we are making with our children will last forever in their minds. It's hard to believe that we just have a handful of summers with Noah before he becomes too old to hang out with us. Of course I'll still drag him to places with us- but it won't be the same. He's getting older, and I need to enjoy this time that we have. 
As hard as camping was (lack of sleep due to the 5 am wake up call from the crows, bright sun at 5:30 AM), I also see the value of camping with kids. On top of their excitement for sleeping in a tent and having campfires every night, camping made them see that we have to work together as a family to make it enjoyable. We all found ways to help - setting up camp, cooking, washing dishes, making a fire, watching Wes, tearing down camp - as family we had to work together to make it successful. Definitely an important lesson to take from it. 
Over the next few weeks we will be busy, but we will also find time to just relax. Katia will be doing tennis camp, Noah will be attending overnight camp, we have the Nimans coming to visit, a cottage booked with Winslow's sister and family in PEI, and then my sister is coming to visit us for the last week of August. In amongst all that, I hope there will be days at the beach, days in Halls Harbour, ice cream and BBQs, reading, painting and crafts, and just hanging out. We have our little pool set up in the backyard, and we're just waiting for some really hot days so that we can enjoy it. Also, one of my most simple summer pleasures? Drinking coffee on my back deck, first thing in the morning.
Happy summer dear friends, may there be many simple summer pleasures for you! 

hi there 4 Apr 2019 12:28 PM (6 years ago)

Oh hi there! It's been a while hasn't it? Life is busy in our household, and while I try to pick up my camera almost everyday, it's seldom that I come here to write. That makes me somewhat sad. I was so good about documenting Noah and Katia's early years, but for Wes, I don't get to do it as much. I should add though, we do have our fun, and I share it quite a bit on Instagram- but a good blog post is definitely in order. 

So what's new in our lives?
This past winter was full of basketball for Noah and hockey and Brownies for Katia. It's definitely been a song and dance, trying to juggle our busy schedules, but somehow we make it work and the kids have had fun with their activities.
I began substitute teaching this past Fall, and continue to do it every week. Right now my schedule only allows for 2-3 days a week, and to be honest, it's a nice amount for us … for now. I would love to get a contract at somepoint, especially if it is for Art, but for now, substitute teaching is just the right amount of work for me.
Over March Break we had a little 2 night family getaway to White Point Resort. We played old games (table tennis, foosball), did crafts, had walks on the windy beach, found bunnies (they are everywhere), enjoyed the music, the bonefires, and swam. There was a lending library of DVDs and card games... and the food! Oh the food was amazing!
What's new with Wesley? Well he's a busy boy, who loves trucks, riding his bike, playing with and BUGGING his older brother and sister. He loves his dog "Ay-wee" (Ryder), and I think it's cute that he gets to spend so much of his time with Ryder. Wes is a bit of a homebody, and takes some coaxing to go out and do things, but more recently he has been up for adventures such a library trips, playing at Cottontale (a local indoor play café) or out with friends.
And for me? I've been challenging myself to be in more photos with my kids. I came up with the lofty goal or producing one Motherhood selfportrait a week, so that is keeping me busy. My goal stemmed from the idea that I really don't get in the frame very often with my kids. Somedays, my shots are of me and the kids, doing regular stuff like drawing with chalk, having breakfast, or skating. Other times, my shots are of just me, down by the water or drinking my coffee- alone! It's just about letting go of my insecurities, and embracing myself as I am (extra weight, grey hairs, leggings and all!).

I also feel the need to share, how over the past year, I have found a real sense of peace and happiness within. I've done a lot of self work over the past year, and feel that I am in such an amazing place in my life. I've made friends here, that truly are the types of people I want to be around, and give my energy to. I'm at a place, where my spending days with my kids, no longer sets me into stress mode- I enjoy our time and days together. Yes, there are still stressful moments- but the way I react (for the most part) is much better. Most important though, I have found a self acceptance that no longer makes me feel like I have a deep void in my life. I used to long for family, someone to help me (us), and I never wanted to be alone. Now I am at this place where I am very happy with the life I/we have. And it feels so good!
The days are turning longer, and we've had a few days of warm sunny weather. We've had our first icecream at Hennigars and two trips to Baxter's Harbour to explore the shoreline. Spring is around the corner and I'm feeling like this is going to be a good one. Hope everyone is having a lovely start to Spring.
xox

Focus 30 Jan 2019 9:15 AM (6 years ago)

We're at the end of January, and I am just squeezing this in, before the month is over. 
Every year, for at least the last 4 or 5 years, I come up with one word, that is meant to help guide/influence me in the coming year. Past words have included: Peace, Adventure, Quiet, Journey. 
This year, as I was thinking about it, one word kept coming up in my thoughts, and so my word of 2019 is going to be Focus. 
Last year brought growth and new accomplishments to me. I gained a tremendous amount of confidence in myself, which I feel funneled into my relationships, photography work and family life. 
Last year, I reached some goals and found a sense of focus that had been missing for quite some years, in all honesty, I blame post partum hormones and exhaustion on those foggy years. 
And so for 2019, I want this sense of focus, drive and clarity to continue. 
Focus to me means knowing what I want for myself personally and professionally. It means having a sense of trust in myself. It means not having control over the situation, but having control over myself- knowing that I am responsible for myself, my actions, my reactions. It means calling myself out on my own shit, but also being my own bestfriend. And so 2019 is my year to Focus in on my self and goals. It is to continue on this journey of learning about myself, and to be the best version of myself... for me and the ones I love. 
Happy New Years (on January 30th). 

christmas magic 29 Dec 2018 4:46 PM (6 years ago)

We spent a lovely Christmas in Ottawa, surrounded by family and friends. It was busy and loud and we ate a lot. We enjoyed parties and food and visits. As per usual, we packed a lot into our 6 days in Ottawa, and here are some of the highlights. 

full circle 29 Dec 2018 4:16 PM (6 years ago)

I feel like I have spent the better half of my adult years, searching for a sense of belonging. Part of it is that we are and RCMP family, and for the last 12 years we have been transient, but there is more to it than that, and I’ve been digging away at it for quite some time.
This past year, when we came to our 3 year Nova Scotia anniversary, my better half began to get that all too familiar RCMP transfer itch. Things were becoming a little too comfy and familiar for him. He wanted that shake up, that each past transfer gave him. I on the other hand, had no interest in moving again.
Finally, things were going really well for me personally. Professionally, socially, mentally. I was in a good place. An amazing place. I didn’t want to give it up again.
We had many  late night conversations. I had many  panic attacks. I cried. We fought. We discussed. It was an uncertain time, one that was met with a lot of worry and anxiety (on my part).
After a few weeks of going back and forth, we came to a middle ground, and decided that a protentional move to Ottawa could be the solution. We began to look seriously into it. We looked at work options and housing options. We made the mistake of sharing this with the kids and our family. It felt like it could be right, but it also felt like we were giving up so much.
Perhaps it’s with age. Perhaps we have found the perfect place for us. But when we were going through these difficult few months, all that kept coming back to me was how great we have it where we are. Our town, the community there, our neighbours, my friends that I have carefully made. The photography clientele I have built, the possibilities of continuing with teaching, the options for Winslow. The landscape, the ocean, the camping, the forests. It’s what I have been searching for and wanting for so long, and now we are certain that it is where we want to be. But beyond the fact that I love Nova Scotia so much, I feel like I have come to a place in my life that I have been looking for, for such a long time. I am at such a peaceful place in my life and I'm not willing to give that up. Yes, we are giving up the dream of living close to family- which is a big pill to swallow, but for the first time in my adult years, I don't feel like I am missing a piece of myself. I used to search for something that was missing... something that stemmed from not having a strong/healthy/consistent relationship with my parents and not having a "family home" to ever return to. I was always missing, grieving, searching for a substitute to that - but I no longer feel that void. 
So here we are. We've come full circle, to decide that this is where we are going to plant our roots. It feels good, so good. And I'm happy. 

Katia's Harry Potter Birthday Party 21 Nov 2018 1:22 PM (6 years ago)

Phew! I feel like I am JUST catching my breath, after this very involved and detailed party that we had for our girl. Katia decided a few weeks ago, after attending the annual Berwick Library Harry Potter party, that she would like her birthday party to be a H.P. Party as well. So right away I got to work!
To begin with, each child walked through our platform 9 3/4 brick wall, to enter into Harry's Land. In the living room, I had created the illusion of letters coming out of the fire place. I used some old stationary I had lying around and fishing line.
Upon entering the living room, each child was sorted into their houses. We had a sorting hat, and our Harry (Noah) reached into a basket to award each child their house patch (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slitherin).
We then went into the Great Hall (with floating candles- thanks IKEA), to make our wands. We used wooden chopsticks and twisted hot glue around them to look spindly. The kids painted them. We put the wands aside to dry and moved onto our potions class (crushed bones, unicorn tears and lizard snot - baking soda, vinegar and green dish soap). They also decorated a paper bag, that would later be used for a scavenger hunt . All the kids enjoyed these simple activities.
After this, we took a break for butterbeer (yum!), snacks and cake!
 After the cake was our scavenger hunt. I had hidden 5 owls around the house that had scrolls at their feet (just used stuffies and some of my owl decorations). Each scroll had a visual clue to the next owl. The final owl led them to Honey Dukes, the candy shop! I had emptied our board game cupboard and put white lights inside. Each kid was allowed to fill a bag at the candy shop.

And that was the party! I gave the short abbreviated version here, but as you can see, it was a lot of work! As my friend Leanne said, "you can't half ass a Harry Potter party".
In the end, I'm glad I agreed to do this party. Over the years, I have learned to tone down my parties (I used to go crazy for every party and stress myself out while doing it), but for this one, I reverted to my old ways and went all out. I feel sentimental towards parties that involve children's books. I know that this time is fleeting and we wont have these years for much longer.

a magazine cover, Fall and family first 21 Nov 2018 12:42 PM (6 years ago)

Nov. 21st, and it feels like forever since I last came here to jot down my thoughts, ideas, notions. It occurred to me this morning, while having my shower, that I really do miss blogging. I miss the idea of having a place to keep all of these special details. My blog is really like my journal, and I like how it helps me work through things. So my goal for the future is to come back to this space, and use it as a way to journal, record and share. 

So here we go. An update of sorts. Let's start with Bella Grace Magazine.
Last month, as I was doing some errands with a sick little Wesley slumped over my shoulder, I walked past the magazine isle at Walmart , and stopped to take a glance. There, out of my peripheral vision, I immediately noticed it. My image, on the cover of a magazine! I picked it up right away, my hands shaking. I started to cry. Tears just consumed me. I was overcome with happiness and shock.
To answer some questions, no I was not notified that my image would be used. Yes, I submitted it to their magazine- with hopes that maybe, it might get used somewhere in one of their publications. It was very exciting for me! So this was a big lesson to me. Try and get your work out there. It just might get on the cover of one of your favourite magazines!
For anyone who reads this blog (is there anyone out there???) You can follow my photography work on Facebook and Instagram, search Johanna Rosolen Photography.
In personal family news, this past month has brought us to the realization that we are ready to make one last move. After many many many late night conversations, Winslow and I came to the decision and compromise, that we would try our best to get a transfer back towards the Ottawa area. It hasn't happened yet, but we are hoping for sometime in 2019.
This decision comes with an intense sadness, in knowing that this beautiful place that I love so dearly, won't be the place where we plant our roots. I truly thought and hoped it would, yet I think I always knew deep down that no matter how wonderful this place was, we miss our family too much-and this is the time to do it. Our kids are still kids, and I want them to have a childhood with their family (my sister, Winslow's family, my best friends). I want them to know what it feels like to be surrounded with family and love.
Just yesterday, I realized that I have been a mother for 10 years. Of those 10 years, I have never had family nearby. It feels like such a huge relief to know that we won't have to be alone anymore. That we will have people nearby.
And so here we are, nearing the end of November. November and December are our busy months in this family. First we have Katia's birthday on Nov. 28th, and then Wesley's birthday on Dec.15th. Throw in some Christmas concerts, a Christmas play at church, hockey (for Katia), basketball (for Noah), photography mini sessions, and 2 birthday parties- and you can imagine how I feel at this time of year. Today I said no to one cookie exchange (they always stress me the $#@* out) and I am also going to say no to anything else that doesn't jive with me. It's just not worth the stress.

I want to share what we did for Katia's birthday, but I think I will make a separate post all together for it. It was too epic, not to have it's own dedicated post.

So there we have it folks. The holidays are on the horizon and I am full on ready for it. The twinkle lights are up- because twinkle lights just make me happier.
Be back soon. xoo

Happy Fall 8 Oct 2018 4:14 PM (7 years ago)

So much time has passed since I last came here to write. 
Life has picked back up again, since September came along. School, activities, and a big one - I returned to teaching after nearly 10 years of a break. Of course I volunteered in classrooms, ran playgroups, was a visiting artist over those 10 years, but I am now a substitute teacher and am keeping busy with 2-3 days of work a week. 
This new job works very well for us, for a number of reasons. The biggest one being the flexibility. I can work the days I want, and be home on the days I want. I have a job that I like, but I don't have to do all the prep, assessment or extra work that teachers normally do. So yes, as you can imagine, we are busy. 
The thing is though, I truly am being mindful of this "busy" chapter that we are beginning here. It's very easy for things to become undone, when we all have to be in different places at once. 
I'm trying my best to carve out down time for us all, to manage the commitments, to prioritize what is most important. 

Things that are important to me are: 

~ family dinners
~ quiet weekends (sometimes that means church, a walk in the woods, time for the kids to play with neighbours)
~ connecting with friends for meals, walks, coffee.... real life connection

~ reading, cooking, being at home
~ picking up my camera to document our days and moments

And so here we are in October. My very favourite time of year. Thanksgiving, deep red leaves, crisp days, burnt orange pumpkins. I wish these days would never end, but perhaps there is a short window, so that we know just how much to appreciate it. 


Happy Fall dear friends. May there be many walks in the woods. May you have a cozy sweater to wrap yourself in. May the air smell of cinnamon and wood smoke. Happy Fall. 


xox

simple meditations 16 Aug 2018 5:52 PM (7 years ago)

I used to worry so much about mixing my personal photography work and my heavily stylized client work in the same medium. I thought clients wouldn't want to see my personal work. That it was too real. Too personal. So I kept them separate for a very long time.

My friend Leanne used to tell me (and still does), that her favourite work of mine, is the every day shots that I take. The ones that tell my story. I always agreed with her, yet still, my personal work stayed more private - I was never confident enough to show it in photography groups or on my social media pages.

This summer at Land and See, one of the photographers I was most excited to see was Joni Burtt. She is a fantastic documentary style photographer from just outside Fredericton NB. While she does do client work (families), she primarily photographs her own family- and her work blows my mind away. It's beautiful. One of the many things that I took away from her talk was that she does marry her client work and personal work together. And there is a demand/desire to see her personal work- it is so captivating.

So this summer, and moving forward - I have given myself complete permission to share my personal work on many platforms. I admit, it makes me nervous to put my personal work out there, because this is the stuff that means something to me, but at the same time- that is the point- this work means something to me, and I want to share it with others... because I have put love into it.

I call these simple meditations, because I find the act of picking up my camera and capturing a very brief but important moment, very meditative. I find there is a release of stress and rushing about, when I slow down and take an intentional image. It forces me to stop with whatever I'm doing, and to see things, to see the people right in front of me. 

Here is a sampling of my work from this summer.

xox

one year later 16 Aug 2018 5:28 PM (7 years ago)

It's the thick of the summer. I've been at home with all three kids, non stop, with very little in the ways of help/breaks, and while this might sound like the perfect recipe for a mama going mad, here I am doing pretty well.

Last year, things weren't quite so even keel. I found myself often panicked. I found myself on edge/angry/nervous... pretty much all the time. When Winslow would have to leave for long days of work, or go out of town for work- I would spiral into a mess of anxiety and depression, immediately worried about how we would get through the minutes/hours/days.


I would busy myself, packing our days full, just so that I would have a plan. The thought of not having a plan freaked me out. Down time scared me. I'm not sure why. I think I just thought the days would crawl by if I didn't plan them out. I was scared of the slowness of time.


Looking back, I can definitely see that this was anxiety/depression. I eventually came to terms with the fact that I need to talk to someone, and I did. That helped a bit. I also decided to stop drinking, as I know that alcohol doesn't help me with my anxiety/depression, it deepens it.


Another thing I did was kick a very toxic friendship to the curb. I had kept this so called friend around, telling myself, I'd be so lonely without her - truth is, I never felt so alone/low/down on myself as when I was with her. I have since come to recognize and listen to that voice inside of me that tells me when someone is worthy of my friendship or not. My anxiety and depression at the time, had made it very hard to know what I was worthy of.

Other tools that I started to pack into my tool box: social media breaks, more Podcasts, picking up my camera and documenting my life - I find this very therapeutic and meditative.


So here I am this summer, feeling so much more calm and ok with long stretches with my kids, and less action packed days. This summer has been one of down time. Yes there have been little day trips and beaches, a few visitors and some camping, but there have also been afternoons of lego, playdates, TV and that's ok! I'm not stressing. I'm yelling less. I'm not in a state of rushing/busyness. It's nice.


I'm not saying that my depression/anxiety is gone forever, but right now, I have seen huge improvements, and the improvements have been made by me. I think there's something important about finding the answers, about searching for solutions, about mapping out your own life. Before, I would have described myself and my life as lost, lonely, out of control, hard. Now I see myself having ownership and responsibility over my own happiness and well being. Such a huge fucking difference. 

land and see 2018 19 Jul 2018 6:17 PM (7 years ago)

How do I adequately put into words, what going to Land and See means to me? It's really hard to explain it all, but I'll try. 
For 3 days (5 for those that took the whole workshop), I was immersed into a world of photography, creativity, deep conversation, and real connection with other artists. It was an experience unlike anything I've done before. Something so far away from my regular every day. It was pretty damn amazing. 
On a practical level, I was able to work and learn along side some of my very favourite photographers. I was able to shoot one on one with a particular photographer, Joni Burtt, who I greatly admire. As well, I was able to collaborate with other photographers, and it was such an enriching experience. 
On an emotional level, it was quite a profound experience. For 3 solid days, I had the time to create, to be able to listen to other photographers, and just to be able to hear myself think. I was able to write notes about my ideas, things I wanted to remember, and not once was I interrupted. 
Going to Land and See is a gift to me, from my family. Winslow had to take time off from work, and we budgeted our limited resources so that I could go. The children, while sad I was going, were at the same time supportive and happy for me. It truly felt like this experience was a gift to me. 
It was a gift of time. A gift of opportunity. A gift to learn, to expand, to create. As I did 3 years ago, when I last attended, I felt such a huge amount of gratitude for this opportunity to go to Land and See. For some, this type of thing (professional development, workshops, education) is a regular/common type of occurrence, but for me, it is not- and I think, this I why I feel such an amount of gratitude for it all. 
It will likely be another 3 years before I attend Land and See again. The truth is, there are other things that I hope to do over the next few years- travel is one of the main ones. But this time that I had recently, is something that I hope to carry with me for a while to come. While I may not attend this specific workshop again, going to Land and See, helped to get me refocused in my goals (specifically towards photography) and I am going forward with new ideas. I'm excited to see what will come next. 
A selection of some of my images from my time at Land and See 2018, on Prince Edward Island. 

P.E.I. memories 19 Jul 2018 9:09 AM (7 years ago)

Summer snippets...

Tents with twinkle lights, painting sea shells, camp fires, Mi' kmaq drummers and dancers, watching as many sunsets as we could dip into the ocean, seafood, making memories with family, splashing in the Atlantic, finding sea glass, a date night with hubby in North Rustico at the cutest seafood café, the sounds of waves crashing, heard from the tent at night time.

We had a beautiful time camping in P.E.I., at Cavendish NP with our Ottawa family (Winslow's side). It was just what we all hoped for. We wanted the kids to build beautiful memories together- and that is exactly what happened.

for sarah 13 Jun 2018 3:46 AM (7 years ago)

It's taken me a few weeks to gather my thoughts on what happened, when we received the sudden news that my sister was gravely sick. 
In less than 24hrs, we went from thinking that my sister Sarah, had acute pneumonia, to being told that she wasn't going to "make it" through the night, to being told that she had a very aggressive form of cancer. 
When we got this news, Winslow and I scrambled to get me a  flight out to Edmonton to see her. My sister and Dad found flights from Ottawa.  We didn't know if we'd make it in time. 
Upon getting there, we found her in such a scary state. In ICU she was hooked up to so many things, and we were truly scared for her (although tried so hard to hide it). 
I could only stay for 4 days to see her. It was painful to say goodbye, but I left with some peace of mind, knowing that we had time on our hands ... but just how much, we weren't exactly sure.
After 4 weeks of intensive treatment for Sarah, she received the good news that the chemo was working, and that the long term prognosis is good! It's going to be a long and hard road for her, with her treatment lasting at least 2 years, and follow up after that, but she has a second chance, and that is all that we can ask for! She is one of the strongest people I know. She has always had  a strong and determined mind, and I am certain that this is what is helping her fight this beast. 
Lately, I've been walking through my days, with an overly heightened sense of wanting to be present. While I've always considered myself to be a fairly present and grateful person, this experience has had me want to slow down and be in the now even more than ever. I feel like I owe it to Sarah, to truly feel the sun on my face, to smell those lilacs that are growing in my back yard, to make witness to my kids, friends, husband when they ask for me. 
My senses feel heightened, I want to take it in ... but I don't feel the pressure that I used to take it ALL in. I truly am enjoying this newfound permission to move slowly. Camera in hand, all expectations off, and taking in this glorious life (and that means all of it- the good and ugly) that has been gifted to me