NoFo View RSS

(No Longer) North of Foster, (Still) Left of Center
Hide details



I've clearly abandoned this blog-child I raised from an infant 7 Oct 2020 6:41 AM (5 years ago)

BUT!

I've started two other blogs that are less about the open-diary ramblings of NoFo and more about focused topics and CV. So if you're interested ...

TMIpolar: my bipolar adventures and essays on mental health in general

The One Who Mumbles: reviews and essays—mostly about the arts, natch—all collected in a place I can use as a writing portfolio

Read, bookmark and hopefully enjoy them at your leisure. And now that my mind is in blogging mode again, maybe I'll start posting here as well. Or not. 

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Pay no attention to the junk piled behind the tree that I didn't notice you could see when I took this picture with my phone 2 Dec 2019 8:00 PM (5 years ago)

Well hello, long-hibernating tabletop tree that I bought for Shoebox Manor—my first elfin Chicago apartment—and that eventually became our dining-room tree when my ex and I bought our palatial two-tree-accommodating condo. I finally rescued the tree when I liquidated my storage unit this summer, and at last its branches are complete again in their mélange of silver, white and cornflower blue ornaments, ribbons and besequined birds artfully curated to complement our old Wedgewood dining room. The palette doesn’t quite work with my mom’s Rustic Kountree Krafts décor, but I choose to squint and pretend it does. Plus I did a sloppy job perching the birds on the branches so I’ll have to edit some pokey-outy feathered tails at a later date.

I wasn’t really in the mood for Christmas carols, but I found an old Chicago playlist so I decorated the tree to the dulcet—and wistfully nostalgic—tones of Beautiful Day, Ray of Light, Around the World, Bad Romance, Get Lucky, Single Ladies, Whispering Your Name and other regular-rotation players from the soundtrack of my old life. The combination of my Chicago tree and my Chicago tunes put me in a mood I’m not sure I’m ready to be in, but the corner is dusted and vacuumed, the tree is up, and all that’s left to do is figure out where I hid my timer so the lights will automatically be on every night when I go to bed and every morning when I wake up.

Speaking of going to bed ... good night!

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Does this smell stinky to you? 2 Dec 2019 11:49 AM (5 years ago)

I recently got a letter from Kwik Trip saying a car with my license plate was seen driving away without paying for gas at 5:07 am on a weekday in Marshalltown, IA--a faraway city I have never visited. It was written with clumsy English phrasing and asked me to send a credit card number, so I thought it was a scam and ignored it.

Then I got another letter that was very threatening. I was concerned that the sender somehow had my license plate number, name and address, so I sent a message to the Kwik Trip corporate office via its website instead of the contact info on the letters to see if it was legitimately from them--and they promptly responded to say yes, and whoever drove away without paying either had an altered license plate or had stolen one of mine--and *I* needed to file a police report and provide Kwik Trip with layers of proof that it wasn't my car that drove away.

I wrote back using my anger words saying 1) if they don't demand a credit card or up-front payment before letting people pump gas it's their irresponsible corporate practice and therefore their problem, not mine, 2) I have no obligation to spend time calling the police and chasing down paperwork to send them based on unsubstantiated, poorly written accusations, and 3) the burden of proof is on them and they need to send me a photo of my car and license plate at their pump or leave me the fuck alone. They promptly wrote back again to tell me that they had benevolently canceled my "account" and that I "owed" them no money.

So questions: Does this smell stinky? Do you think it's some kind of Kwik Trip corporate scam? Did they illegally obtain my personal and vehicle information? Did they by any definition harass me? Should I call the police on them?

In the mean time: If their stupidly spelled name weren't enough to drive you away, DON'T SHOP AT KWIK TRIP so you can prevent yourselves from being scammed. Fucking assholes.

I have a paper trail and a string of stupidly incriminating emails from Kwik Trip. I'm gonna keep pursuing the issue with the police and the Better Business Bureau and all of Twitter just to be a pain in the ass back at them.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Oklahoma! key dramatis personæ, from the left: 9 Nov 2019 11:23 AM (5 years ago)

Cord Elam. The moral and emotional core of the Oklahoma! narrative. Basically the lead. Brags that he could eat a gatepost. No homo.

Will Parker. The clumsy—but alarmingly bendy—one who does his press junket splayed out on the floor like a common hussy. Couldn’t count to $50 if his potential marriage depended on it. Minor character at best.

Curly McLain. Sings about corn. Lies about fringe. Someone runs into his knife. Someone runs into his knife one time.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Come see me in Oklahoma! 7 Nov 2019 8:00 PM (5 years ago)

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

There is nothing more comforting than a well-stocked snack drawer 7 Nov 2019 6:00 AM (5 years ago)

Especially on a morning that you didn’t eat breakfast.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

You can see by our outfits that we are both cowboys 6 Nov 2019 6:00 PM (5 years ago)

#Oklahoma! #CowboyHats #TheStreetsOfLaredo

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

You guys! 6 Nov 2019 8:00 AM (5 years ago)

Three out of four Musketeers tell me I’m awesome and rockin’! The fourth says I’ll die alone, sobbing under a seat in coach. Which is impressive to get all crammed on one so-called “fun” size wrapper.

Anyway, the clear takeaway here is that chocolate loves you back. EAT YOUR FEELINGS! Before you die alone, sobbing under a seat in coach.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

When you’re bored in the hospital, you tend to make mega-trendy cat memes on your phone 5 Nov 2019 10:30 AM (5 years ago)

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

IT’S VOTING DAY! 5 Nov 2019 5:00 AM (5 years ago)

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Aorta stop eatin' junk food 4 Nov 2019 7:57 AM (5 years ago)

Dad’s surgery was “smooth and easy” according to the surgeon—who may or may not have been referring to the fact that the hospital shaved my dad from the neck down before they poked him in the aorta—and he’s now recovering/waking up in the recovering/waking up room as we continue to stuff our faces in the waiting room.

You might say he’s on the mendo from his endo. But please don’t. Never say that.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Aorta lern my lines 4 Nov 2019 5:30 AM (5 years ago)

When you got up at 4:30 and had to pack for a day of sitting in the waiting room at the hospital surgery center and you remembered to bring all the important stuff. So that’s good.

Dad is having what’s literally called a “re-do” on a five-year-old abdominal aortic aneurism surgery that had recently started leaking. Two weeks ago he had an exploratory aortogram—which it turns out does not, unfortunately, involve someone showing up at your door in tap shoes and an aorta outfit to sing Happy Birthday or a Valentine’s Day song—and he’s having the surgery today as the final gala event in his five-day 80th birthday celebration.

To complete the circle, I’m sitting in the waiting room memorizing my lines to Aortahoma!

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

SOME dumbass we all know 3 Nov 2019 7:00 PM (5 years ago)

... has accidentally taken his night psych meds in the morning enough times lately that his mom finally had to make a bunch of big white paste-on labels for his pill containers so he hopefully won’t get so confused again in the future.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

We don’t need no stinkin’ musical about dancin’ farmers and cowmen to be basic bitches in boots 3 Nov 2019 2:00 PM (5 years ago)

But it sure makes a super-cute excuse.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Bro 3 Nov 2019 10:00 AM (5 years ago)

I’m man enough to admit that I’m not LIFTING the 95s—the only unoccupied incline bench just happens to be parked in front of them today.

But I AM proud enough to broadcast that I’m back up to incline-dumbbelling 75s after a summer of injury-induced absence from the gym and from the 90s that I’d been incline-dumbbelling last spring.

And yes, incline-dumbbelling is now a valid gerund. I’m a licensed copywriter and I am hereby verbing it so.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Among my many noteworthy accomplishments today: 2 Nov 2019 5:30 PM (5 years ago)

I finally got rid of that hideous Monster MalachiteTM square plate and replaced it with a delicately fluted saucer that matches Bitch Kitty’s elegant Velvety VerdigrisTM food bowl.

Now her basement café is just downright fucking classy.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Sigh 2 Nov 2019 9:30 AM (5 years ago)

Three of Walmart’s finest ran into my cart in one trip and Iowa-timidated ME into saying Ope and I’m sorry but that’s just an egregious abuse of first-caucus-in-the-nation power.

Also: furnace filters + lightbulbs + non-slip rug pads + cat food-to-poop supplies = a sad, sad afternoon of quiet-desperation adulting

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Stabby the Cat doesn’t put up with your excuses on back and shoulders day 2 Nov 2019 7:30 AM (5 years ago)

He does, however, have a benevolent tolerance for your unruly hair.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

My stupid new tie won’t hold an expertly tucked dimple 1 Nov 2019 5:30 AM (5 years ago)

So my fancy-pants event tonight is all but guaranteed to be a catastrophic sartorial failure.

But I voted early so the republic is saved.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Good night! 31 Oct 2019 7:30 PM (5 years ago)

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

So apparently THIS happened 31 Oct 2019 2:30 PM (5 years ago)

Remember when Ann was caught screaming about being forced to fly coach and sobbing that she’s gonna die alone? I can’t decide if that Ann or this one is the most punchable.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Red: The hoodie of angry men! Black: The T-shirt of ages past! 31 Oct 2019 7:00 AM (5 years ago)

Jake: The lazy man who’s trying to recast the narrative of his randomly chosen outfit as the banner of an 1832 student-revolutionary rebellion inspired by the cholera death of French Parliamentarian Jean Maximilian Lemarque, a popular anti-royalist and champion of the poor, as depicted in a popular 1980 musical inspired by an 1862 novel by Victor Hugo!

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Happy #Hallowmeme! 31 Oct 2019 5:00 AM (5 years ago)

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

Cats are weird 30 Oct 2019 7:30 PM (5 years ago)

Why did she just plop down with her back to me and her butthole on my foot? She has all the social subtlety of a passive-aggressive sixth-grader at recess.

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?

1 day till #Hallowmeme! 30 Oct 2019 5:00 AM (5 years ago)

Add post to Blinklist Add post to Blogmarks Add post to del.icio.us Digg this! Add post to My Web 2.0 Add post to Newsvine Add post to Reddit Add post to Simpy Who's linking to this post?