Where did all the old school bloggers go? 18 May 2022 1:24 PM (3 years ago)
As I stare at the perfectly curated Instagram feeds I just sigh. Maybe that is their talent – living in a monotone home that they spend all the time cleaning (or hire someone to clean). I contemplate all the blog posts people grumble at as they fight to “just find the recipe”. Blogging and being an influencer has become a money grab. Yep, I said it. When you are more worried about fitting in one more ad into the page than about how your reader feels about visiting your blog then you have been lost to the new world of blogging.
The Ludicrous New Order of Blogging
The world is changing maybe it’s time to let go of the ridiculousness that blogging has become. Maybe it is time to go back to old school blogging. We need more voices talking about how they are experiencing lock downs, distance learning, mental health of their children and how the world has changed in the last 3 years. We need to hear about fears, anxiety, struggles, and true feelings. We need to learn that we are not alone in that darkness inside of us.
That is what blogging started out as over 20 years ago. We shared what was happening in our lives in hopes that we may help someone else not feel quite as alone. Now we are faced with a mental health crisis that is plaguing mothers in believing that perfection is attainable. These readers, these consumers of our content have seen perfection plastered on blogs and social media. But really what is happening behind the scenes?
This is a real look into my life. I have my reading for college out on a TV tray. The same TV tray that a boy used to deposit his game controller. I have a funny mug that my kids gave me, that is fitting for this moment of reflection. Oh, look more gaming controllers sit on the undusted TV stand and they are hanging out with a box of coffee pods that were left out by a boy making me coffee. Oh, lets not forget the laundry that has migrated to our living room because there is no room in the hall for it. Clutter on the floor, an unopened Nerf gun from Christmas present, and a lap tray for the kids to use on the couch. Nothing matches, nothing is clean, and most influencers would reangle this picture to hide the clutter. But I chose not to.
When Did We Create These Unrealistic Expectations?
The other day I was watching an old movie for a college class that was released in 1979 about a boy who was deaf, And Your Name is Jonah. I laughed as I watch this four or five-year-old ride in his mother’s lap in the car ride home from the hospital. Life was so different then. When I started looking at their home I saw that the walls were chipped and dirty, their kitchen was usable and neat but nothing special. I realized that I had been conditioned to believe houses didn’t look like they were lived in on movies. Beyond that I realized that the house looked more realistic and gave me comfort in how my own house looked at that moment. I stopped and considered how movies had changed to make an unattainable expectation of perfection, but not only that – I realized my perfect blog images and Instagram feeds had gone even farther to twist my expectations of what a home looks like. Bloggers didn’t start this process of concealing the real home, but we started the path towards what it likes now.
Bloggers used to be your friends, your mentors, and the people you look up to. But as the money was poured into this industry it now has become a commercial you cannot turn off. Now those bloggers have taken over social media and have created a world of unrealistic ads that their followers don’t realize they are consuming. Sure the FTC got involved and the bloggers and influencers have to put a little note about sponsored ads, but you don’t realize even the non-sponsored posts are there to draw you into their ads. The writers no longer care to share about real feelings, anything that is not positive, and they definitely do not let you see their imperfections.
Beware Who You Follow
I have experience with blogging I recognize the perfect angles that hide the clutter. In the back of my mind I know that the families I see in these photos have so much more to them than this display of perfection. Even though I know that what I see is not real I found these images were still creating an unrealistic expectations on myself. I have started working on cutting out the bloggers and influencers in my feeds that show these unrealistic photos. My list of bloggers I had started, long ago, cleaning out of my bookmarks because they had sold out to the corporations and ads. My Instagram feed is becoming a more realistic view of the world with a focus on healing, helping, and hearing other’s stories. Just like how old school blogging used to be.
How do we change this world of fake imagery into something like it used to be? Can we celebrate the real now? The teary eyed faces, the dirty laundry that everyone has, the truth behind the lens?
What about those who never had to rearrange half a room in their home for a photo or a video? How can we help them know that they are not failing, they are not alone? What has this image of perfection done to their own expectations? Their mental health?
Creating New Holiday Traditions After Divorce 25 Nov 2021 11:28 AM (3 years ago)
One of the hardest challenges I had after my divorce was facing how to create new holiday traditions. I was either facing a holiday alone or I was facing changing the traditions that my children were used to. That first Thanksgiving I even gave up my Thanksgiving with my boys so that they could have the holiday they were used to. But you know what has happened over the last few years is that we have created new traditions and new ways to celebrate the holidays.
First Thanksgiving Alone is Scary
That first Thanksgiving was scary. I was used to so many traditions centered around family. I was part of that family for more than 20 years. I was used to a warm house filled to the brim with people – probably 30 to 40 people to be exact. The meal was always prepared by my brother-in-law, he made two of everything so everyone got leftovers too. All the guests would bring a small side or drinks. There would be tables even on the outside porch with heaters to seat everyone. The kids would all play down in the basement until dinner. I wanted my kids to have a chance to play with their cousins and have the big meal that first year.
That first Thanksgiving was going to be just me and my mom. I felt a big dinner would be a waste and so I started hunting out different ideas. I even turned to the internet to find other’s suggestions of what to do, but I couldn’t find anything.
It Was Time to Create My Own Traditions
I decided to create my own traditions. I called up a local theater that offered dining while movie watching and inquired if they would be open. I invited my mom to join me for a movie marathon and dinner at the theater. We watched two movies: Fantastic Beasts: Crimes of Griswald and Bohemian Rhapsody. We ate a big dinner while watching the first movie and had huge hot fudge sundaes for dessert at the second movie.
Now the Movie & Dinner is Our New Tradition
This will be the third year of doing movie and dinner. 2019 I had to adjust our plans since the theater we went to didn’t have dinner, so we went to Thai afterwards. We were not able to do movie and dinner in 2020.
This year we are going back to our movie and dinner. I’m super excited because we found a lovely theater that is built into a historical building that is just lovely. Everyone in our small family is excited to go see a movie and not stress about cooking.
Create a Holiday You Love
So, if you are facing a major change in your family like divorce holidays can seem scary. But they can also become unique for you and your family as well. Think about what you really want to get from this time and start creating a holiday that you love.
2020 in Review in Photos 13 Jan 2021 9:32 AM (4 years ago)
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Good Morning! Creating a Morning Routine 13 Nov 2020 10:07 AM (4 years ago)
I’ve been working on having a morning routine, I found myself struggling not sure where to start each morning. I kept forgetting to eat breakfast. I kept not putting my makeup on or any of the other little things that make me feel more human during the day.
I sat down and looked through the Google Play Store to see if there was an app that could help me. I downloaded a few to try but my favorite app: Routinery:
The Routinery App
I have created a morning routine and a night routine. I have only used the morning one so far, but it’s made such a big difference in my mornings. I feel more set for the day.
My Routine
Now that I have used the app for a couple weeks I’m updating my routine just slightly. That’s the great part of the app. I can move around the habits I need to, I can add habits, and I can adjust the amount of time I need for each habit.
- Drink water (2 min)
- Get ready for the day (15 min)
- Take vitamins and pills (2 min)
- Breakfast (10 min)
- Writing (10 min)
- Yoga (30 min)
Every morning my app reminds me to start my morning routine at the time I set up. I then start the routine. It sets up a countdown clock and we are off on my habits.
I really like if I get interrupted by a call or a kid I can pause my timer. I can also add more time to a habit – like writing if I get really inspired – or I can just click the check mark if I have finished it early to move on to the next habit. Also if you need to you can skip a habit if you need, like if you are going out to breakfast you can just skip the breakfast option.
Should I Subscribe?
I am tempted to subscribe for the premium features of the app that include showing how you are doing overall with each habit, unlimited routines, and more. I rarely subscribe to an app but this might be one that I do subscribe to.
I’m Struggling 10 Nov 2020 9:00 AM (4 years ago)
I usually try to be happy and cheerful – but this autumn season always gets to me. The change in weather, the sun saying good bye to this hemisphere, the holidays coming up, the dreaded daylight savings change. They all hit me and this year it was at once.
I’m trying to hold it together for everyone. Isn’t that what all good mom’s do. Isn’t that what all good girls do. But the tears fall and I want to just curl up back in bed.
I feel the tug of war do I push myself harder to get things done or do I give myself more grace. What do you do?
This weekend we ate good food and watched a lot of good movies. Lots of time in bed snuggling and lounging on the couch. Just letting the season change flow over us, accepting the changes, avoiding thinking and pondering what could be ahead.
We put up Thanksgiving decorations and bought lots of treats for the family holiday boxes from Hobby Lobby. Lots of self care and a little bit of chores, but fun chores.
Now it is back to the grind. Slowly but surely.
30 days of Yoga 3 Nov 2020 8:43 AM (4 years ago)
Today I started yoga again, I had been talking about it for a few weeks. I found a great playlist from Yoga with Adrienne. She has a 30 day Yoga Challenge:
My Goals
As I am working at home and going back to school I felt like this was a good time to start evaluating my goals. With less physical work I knew I needed to add walking and exercise back into my routine. Starting yoga again had some unexpected results.
Inspiring my Kids
When I started yoga years ago Zane was just a toddler and when he saw me doing the posses he jumped in. An amazing thing happened this morning again. I was doing Yoga in the living room – I originally was going to hide in my room – and Zane woke up and saw me.
First he asked me if it was Live, he didn’t want to be on camera, I laughed and told him no. You guys do not want to see this old gal doing yoga – hahaha. Then he told me he had downloaded an exercise app too. He mentioned, “Losing some of his chub.” I told him I imagine the exercise will make him just feel better.
This was such an unexpected moment – but a wonderful flashback of what first started my weight loss journey.
This was such a good reminder:
Taking time for yourself is not taking time away from your kids. Taking time for yourself inspires them to do the same things for themselves.
Meet Dane! 30 Oct 2020 11:38 AM (4 years ago)
I wanted to introduce you to Dane because you will be seeing and hearing about him a lot as I blog. Dane is our newest member of our family.
How we met!
Is it cliché that we met on Tinder? I was on a few apps to date and I will say that I didn’t usually have luck with Tinder. But never say never, right?
He had just moved to Oregon on the New Year from the east coast. I was very excited to meet someone that was new to Oregon and Portland because I had a great list of places I wanted to explore that I had never been (I had a full bucket list!). I really wanted a friend to hang out with me and explore those places. So someone new to Portland sounded perfect.
Who is Dane?
Dane was born and raised in Texas. He is a professional glassblower. He came to Oregon to blow scientific glass for a company that moved him here.
He started learning how to blow glass 8 years ago and creating his own business. Then a few years ago he broke his back. Breaking his back was life changing for him – he got a new perspective on life laying in bed for days at a time contemplating life. What he wanted in life and where he wanted to go in the future.
He knew that glassblowing was a passion of his and he found that he could continue on with the work in scientific glass while he rehabilitated from his injury. He is still recovering from his injury.
Our First Date
I was pretty cautious about meeting people from apps so we planned on a coffee date. Something casual and easy to see if we clicked.
Oh, he was a scruffy guy that day we met, he needed to trim his beard and hair from his trip across the country. But he was so polite and gentlemanly – his southern roots were showing – he paid for coffee and when we went for a walk he made a point of making sure I was away from the cars.
We talked about everything – including art, business, passion for life, quantum computers, theology, and so much more. Our date was amazing and I was surprised at how well we clicked.
Dane and the Boys
I debated when to have Dane meet the boys. We had been dating for a couple months and Zarek’s birthday was coming up. I know that most advice says to wait 6 months to introduce your kids and I may write more about this later.
Dane and I took the boys mini golf at the end of February. They loved hanging out with him! He was so gentle and kind to them and loved every moment with them.
As we have gotten closer he has become a great example to my boys of a mature and empathetic man. The boys have really bonded with him and I have seen them grow as I watch them follow his example of how to treat me.
Dating During Covid-19
I feel like Covid-19 had a huge impact on our relationship, but not a negative impact. Between the pandemic, the social unrest and the changes in our world we actually got to know each other in a very deep way and quickly bonded us.
We had hard conversations very early in our relationship to help us see that we had many of the same beliefs, same morals, and same goals in our lives.
Dane was a huge help as I was facing the schools closing down. He has helped me face this new school year for me and the boys. He cheers me on when things get hard and he is my biggest support for the future.
I am so excited to see where our relationship leads and I am excited to share more about him here on Pepper Scraps.
What does Halloween Look Like for You? 29 Oct 2020 10:45 AM (4 years ago)
Halloween looks a little different for us this year. But for us that is okay, the boys are getting older and traditions are just naturally changing for us.
Corn Maze and Pumpkin Patch
I was really excited that the boys were up for the pumpkin patch this year. I know as they get older some traditions will fade away. This year was extra special because Dane, my boyfriend, had never been to a pumpkin patch before so he was super excited.
We went out, picked out our pumpkins, Dane and Zarek picked out the biggest ones possible. While Zane and I picked out fun little ones. Then we we got apple cider donuts and fresh apple cider.
Then we went into the corn maze. Zane was reluctant – he has always hated that getting lost feeling, but we had a ton of fun. That was till we had to pass a large group of 20 somethings not wearing masks. That got my anxiety going, so when we found a hidden passage out we took it.
Halloween at Home
For Halloween itself we are going to stay home. We will carve our pumpkins. Zane is preparing his first DnD campaign for us so we will start our campaign. We have bags of candy to eat. We will also be having a Nintendo switch tournament.
All together I think it will be a wonderful teen/tween Halloween day!
It’s okay to say “I Am Overwhelmed” 28 Oct 2020 11:05 AM (4 years ago)
Last night there was a usual fight over schoolwork but we had a breakthrough. We learned that it is okay to say “I am overwhelmed”. I feel like more of us need to say that right now. Life is overwhelming.
Zarek’s teacher let me know that he was behind in his schoolwork. We talked about how he was in honors and she didn’t want him to struggle if that was too much. I knew he had been doing the work and that he was enjoying the class. It was science. Science is his favorite.
I asked him to look at his class and write down what was missing. As usual he would disappear into his room, when he came out I would ask again. We would circle round and round till I just had enough.
The fight started
He got sent to his room to cool down. I sat down and looked at his school – oh my. He had so much schoolwork just for this week that even Zane said that was too much. On top of that he was missing 10 assignments for the semester. Poor Kiddo!
I went and talked to him.
I asked him, “Was it overwhelming to see all of that work?”
He nodded.
I told him, “Please come talk to me when I ask you to do something and you find it overwhelming. It is okay to say “I am overwhelmed, Mom.”
I Need to Take my own Advice
I realized that advice was good advice for everyone right now. It is okay to say “I am overwhelmed” right now. It is okay to say “I am not okay” right now. It is time to take a deep breath and say that out loud.
??? Pepper