Asking for Help at Work: 3 Beliefs Holding You Back 5 Oct 12:42 AM (17 days ago)

Asking for help at work is easy, right?

Easy, that is, if you know exactly what you want, of whom, and you know that the answer will be an unequivocal YES.

But for most of us, asking for help at work gets hard.

We might feel overwhelmed and not know exactly what to ask, or who. We may be frustrated that help isn’t magically appearing from our colleagues or leaders.

Or, we might feel discouraged that we need the help in the first place. I mean, we’re smart, right? Why can’t we figure this out on our own???

You ARE smart. And like most smart people, you probably wait waaaaaaay to long to ask for help at work or in deciding what’s next in your career. But why?

Here are three mistaken beliefs that may be preventing you from asking for help at work.

Why You’re Not Asking For Help At Work

Belief #1: “I should be able to figure this out on my own.”

Why? Because you’re used to being the smartest person in the room?

There’s no doubt you’re smart, but let’s face facts.

None of us are smart about everything, always. And the smart person knows there are other smarter people out there. Or people who have already had the experience that you’re facing. Or who know the people you need to know.

So stop criticizing yourself to think you should have all the answers. The world is simply too big to assume we can figure things out alone.

Belief #2: “I’m sure the answer is online somewhere.”

Yes, possibly the perfect rainbow unicorn of an answer will appear online.

Right after you do twelve searches, changing your search terms each time, and still coming up with squat.

Sure, there’s lots of info out there to help with work and career challenges (including right here in our own Free Tools library). But if you haven’t found it in a few minutes of search, you’re wasting your time.

I’m serious. Set a timer for five minutes. Then open up the Googler and go.

If in that five minutes the things you found don’t give you relief, a plan, or the answers, then let go of the myth that you’ll find the answer online.

Here’s why.

The web is a great discovery tool for answers to very specific, tangible problems that have clear solutions that work for everyone, every time.

But many of our challenges at work are NOT specific and tangible. And what works for one person does not always work for another.

(There’s also a lot of garbage out there on career & success issues created to drive eyeballs to ads but written by people who’ve barely had a career nor much success.  I know–I get pitched by them all the time to write articles for us here at RedCapeRevolution.com. But I say no, because I’m committed to bringing you only the good stuff.)

So use your online resources, but don’t assume an unknown, faceless online article is going to give you the help you need.

Belief #3: “I don’t want to bother anyone–everyone’s busy.”

If you believe this myth, you’re thinking about work upside-down.

Because most of the world of work is based on people “bothering” other people.

(Or, when it’s done right, it’s called “serving.”)

Is helping people a bother to people who have help to give? What if, by giving them an opportunity to help you, they get to feel like they’re being of service?

Maybe helping you will be the most rewarding thing they do all day.

Who are you to deny them that opportunity?

Plus, remember that the people you’re asking for help at work are also adults. That implies they can make their own decisions about where they spend their time and energy. They have the power of saying “no” or “not now.”

Really worried about other people’s time? Then hire a professional in the field as your coach or mentor. Our time is always better spent with you.

(Don’t think you have the time or money? Believe me, getting professional advice is a lot faster and a LOT less expensive than wasting the days of your life feeling bored, confused, angry or worse.)

So . . . what are the magic words to ask for help?

Go to someone you trust. Maybe they’re inside your organization; maybe they’re outside–a former colleague or even a professional coach like me.

Here’s what you say:

• “Hey, I think I need some help. Would you be willing to talk for a few minutes to help me figure out what step I need to take next?”

Why this works:

• Doesn’t require any long-term obligation;
• Gives a specific time commitment;
• Doesn’t require finding THE PERFECT person–just start with the person who’s right in front of you that you trust;
• Helps you articulate how you’re stuck, and what help you might need; and
• Allows you to be a bumblebee if needed–you don’t have to stick only with ideas from this person, but rather can suck the brainhoney from a number of different people to see what ideas are out there.

Let’s get honest: the real thing you’re saying when you’re not asking for help at work

Finally, if you’ve been avoiding asking for help at work or in your career, you need to realize the REAL thing you’re saying to yourself. It’s this:

• “I don’t value myself or my work that much.”

Ouch.

You’d never treat someone else with that much disrespect. Don’t you deserve better? I believe you do. Ask for help right now.

Hey—want more help?

[button href=”https://redcaperevolution.lpages.co/six-week-progress-plan/“]Learn more and start making progress here[/button]

Read this next

How to Ask for More Support at Work

The post Asking for Help at Work: 3 Beliefs Holding You Back appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

Are You Emotionally Charged? A Chat with Dina Denham Smith 24 Sep 6:47 AM (28 days ago)

If you’re a leader in today’s workplace, you’re being asked to manage more than strategy, budgets, and performance—you’re being asked to manage emotions, too. The rise of virtual work, the impact of AI, and the constant disruptions in how we connect mean that leaders are carrying heavier emotional loads than ever before. But how do you handle those demands without burning out?

In this conversation, I sit down with Dina Denham Smith, co-author of Emotionally Charged: How to Lead in the New World of Work with Penn State professor Alicia Grandy. Dina introduces the idea of emotional labor—the often unseen effort leaders put into showing up with the “right” emotions, even when it means suppressing or faking what they really feel. She shares practical ways to reframe those moments, practice self-compassion, and build the skills leaders need not just to survive, but to thrive in this new era.

Whether you’re leading a small team or steering a global organization, Dina’s insights offer a timely reminder: your emotional well-being isn’t separate from your leadership—it’s at the heart of it. Enjoy our conversation and be sure to pick up the book, too.

Get Emotionally Charged here

Learn more about Dina here. 

Read Dina’s Harvard Business Review articles and more here. 

Transcript: Emotionally Charged

(AI generated, lightly edited for readability)

Darcy Eikenberg: Hello, hello, Red Cape Revolution. It’s Darcy here, and I am really happy to bring you another one of my friends who has written this awesome book. The book is called, Emotionally Charged, How to Lead in the New World of Work. This is Dina Denham Smith.  Dina, thank you so much for being here with me today. Thank you for having me. It is great to see you and Dina and I have known each other for a few years, worked together in a mastermind and I think I remember the day when you said, Hmm, I’m want to work on this book with my friend, with a colleague who’s also a good friend, and we have this offer from, I think it’s Oxford Press to do it. Do it or not. And some of us were like, oh, you know, that’ll take so long, that’ll be a process. And our mentor Dorie, is like, right? Write the book. Write the book. Do you remember that moment?

Dina Denham Smith: I remember that moment! Yes, I do.

Darcy: And now here we are with a great book that really is resonating with a lot of people. So Dina, I would love for you to share rirst of all, why write a book about emotions in the workplace, and especially emotions with leaders, because we’ve been told for years, there’s no room for emotion at work, right? So why? Why dive into this?

Dina: I think we all know we’ve had a bit of a perfect storm of disruption over the last five years, it’s resulted in a variety of different shifts in the workplace, and what I noticed in my coaching of leaders and teams is that those shifts in the workplace have dramatically increased the emotional demands that they were facing in their roles, and that to do the job of being a leader, well, simply required a lot more emotional skill.

And so, you know, just by way of example, you know, we do so much work now through virtual technologies, even though we’ve returned broadly to the office. You know, since the pandemic, however, you know, the ability to like, read and convey emotions and build trust and motivate teams and build culture. It’s much more sophisticated over virtual technologies versus in-person.

We’ve had the meteoric rise of artificial intelligence and leaders are faced with championing it into the workplace while overriding their own fears of obsolescence, right? We have these paradoxical expectations that have developed over time for leaders where we ask them to be confident yet humble, that they are authentic, but just human enough. You know that they drive results, but are sensitive and compassionate and caring.

You know, one thing that also shifted, really during the pandemic, but has continued is employees now expect their leaders to help them with what are more personal problems. It didn’t used to be that case, but research now shows that leaders are helping their team members with personal-related issues as much as they help with the task-related issues.

So anyhow, there were all these shifts in the workplace that dramatically increased the emotional demands that leaders were facing in their role, but they were not really equipped in any way, through training or resources to handle those and so to me, it was like no wonder that we’re facing epic levels of stress and burnout in the leader population. And so what my co-author and I set out to do was write a book to really solve for that gap.

And she we were both in the same graduate program for Organizational Psychology. I went the applied route. She went academic. She leads up org psych at Penn State. She’s an expert in stress and emotional labor. And so what we really, you know, aspired to do was marry the science with the practice and give leaders, you know, techniques and strategies and tools that were not just evidence based, but also, you know, practical things that they could apply, you know, readily in their everyday lives, which are already busy enough.

Darcy: It’s so interesting when you like, reflect back on that and how much like the heaviness of all these emotional aspects, and then the resistance to the why should we have to be dealing with this or and but then the change cultural mores around, especially that came out in the pandemic, but I think that have always been there to some degree, maybe even more pressure on women around taking care of people in the workplace.

And I’m glad to hear you call out what screens are doing for us. I’ll often say screen, screen out emotion. And I get really worried that people perceive that what they see on a screen is actually what’s happening. But most of us not have a lot of media training to understand how to, you know, communicate through a screen right in the same way that we might naturally do as people. Yeah.

Dina: A lot of the nuance gets lost.

Darcy:  And so bundling it all under this aspect of emotion, I’m curious. A lot of people watching this will have heard or read or even studied emotional intelligence, which we’ve been talking about for years. But you make a distinction that there’s more than just emotional intelligence. Tell us about that.

Dina: One of the, one of the key concepts in the book, and let me talk about that first, and then I’ll kind of come back to how it, how it’s different from emotional intelligence, is the notion of emotional labor.

All workplaces have unwritten rules about what emotions are okay to show sort of in what dosages and by whom. Right emotional labor is the work that we do to display the right emotions at work. And sometimes it means we suppress how we really feel, and sometimes it means we evoke things that we do not feel right. We fake it right. And for leaders, emotional labor is they they end up doing a, really, an obscene amount of it now, due to the emotional demands that they face in the world, due to toggling between so many different stakeholder groups and having to show up differently with their team than with their boss, than with the board, than with the clients, and, you know, doing the sort of the emotional gymnastics to manage these paradoxical expectations.

You know, there’s emotional labor involved with managing. We have an increasingly diverse and polarized workforce, right? They have more styles to adapt to. There’s more conflict to manage. Emotional labor comes up when leaders need to make very sort of need to make decisions about real people’s lives. You know, like letting an underperformer go, or restructuring a change fatigue team, or conducting a layoff. That’s emotional labor. So leaders do a ton of emotional labor and but, it’s nowhere on their job description. We don’t ever talk about it. It’s barely acknowledged, and when it goes unacknowledged and unaddressed, it can really lead to some steep costs for leaders, individually, and then more broadly, for the organization, when they’ve had, like a fleet of depleted leaders running around due to all of the unmanaged emotional labor in their roles, right?

So there so emotional labor something that leaders need to do to perform well in their jobs often, but there’s ways to perform it. And what typically happens is facing a mountain of demands and non-stop pressure for results and the devaluation of emotions in organizations, sort of broadly, most leaders in the moment will default to suppressing or faking their emotions, and that is a natural response given all those forces I just mentioned.

The problem is that over time there can, there can be some steep cost to their performance, to their relationships, to their home life, to their health. The book dives into that concept in a lot of detail and shares different ways that leaders can manage all of the emotions that they need to handle in an organization on their own, as well as those of followers and colleagues in ways that will help them perform, but also maintain their well-being. So that’s a lot about emotional labor.

Darcy: Well, and what I love about, about just even recognizing that that’s a thing, you know, it’s the aim, it to claim it piece, right? That I’ve been talking to a lot of my clients lately who have maybe made. More senior level hires, and have high expectations for those hires, and then those hires aren’t working out to expectations. And when you peel back the onion, one of the thing is not hiring for some of the traits that you might call emotional labor, like not even having on the radar screen of some capability to navigate, to flex, to take care of themselves, to, you know, be able to express or process and because what you’re just describing is that habit, which I think has made a lot of people opt out of the workforce lately, of like tamping it down into the point where it’s making you sick, it’s affecting your family and women, especially, the data is showing, as you know, it, just like opting out, it’s like no in between, it’s like, I’m just gone. And that, you know, that worries me for long-term success of leadership. So, so for, you know, emotional labor, you have some strategies and elements that you talk about in the book. What is, you know, what is one thing that somebody who’s just dipping their toe into this realizing, hey, the thing that’s really stressing me out. The thing that is really consuming me and making me think that I’m not leading at my level, or I’m not a good leader anymore, is it is learning how to manage the emotional labor. What? Yeah, what tools can they use?

Dina: What 300 pages of tools? Exactly, they go get the book and write a review. No, but, but I also, I also get that. You know, especially leaders are like, I don’t have time to read a book. Like, are you joking right now? Who has time to read? Who has time? Yeah. So I guess where I would, I would start answering that question as a couple things.

One, emotional like the ability to perform emotional labor in a skilled way. It is. It’s a skill. You can learn it right. It’s not like some people are born knowing how to perform this right? And some people are not in that way. It’s similar to emotional intelligence. This is a skill that one can develop. And I think what’s important for leaders to understand is that you know, continually suppressing your emotions or faking things that you do not feel and eventually it there. There is a cost. And so, you know, what is it that you can do instead of those things, right? And there’s, there’s a few different strategies that can be really, really helpful. And I actually summarize these two in a much shorter, more readily consumable HBR article that I think is called, like, when your emotions conflict with your role.

Darcy: We’ll find in the in the show notes too. Oh, okay,

Dina : And so first is to just to zoom out and really refocus your attention on, like, what is the larger purpose of my role? I mean, because sometimes leaders are tasked with doing things that are really difficult, right? Like letting somebody go, or restructuring a team, when they’re like, so tired of all these organizational changes. Or, you know, I mean, there’s a variety of different elements to to a leader’s job that one might call necessary evils, right? And so and that can, that can just be emotionally overwhelming, right? Like to have to do those things and reconcile them with your sense of self and all of that. And zooming up to think about, what is the larger purpose of my role can sometimes contextualize some of the work that you need to do and the emotions that go with it, and that can, like, reduce the load.

The other strategy that can be really powerful is reframing. And there’s two two ways to go about that. One is reframing the situation, and that’s just shifting your perspective to find new meaning or new possibilities in in a situation, right? So, for example, if you need to let somebody go from your team, right, that’s always hard, right? Like that’s that’s never going to be easy, but thinking about like, you need to do it for the greater good of your team, right, for the collective morale and momentum, is a way to, like, think about it, that can help you feel better for having done something that is going to hurt another individual. In the short term, right? The other way to think about reframing is not just the lens that we choose for different situations, but the lens that we choose to see ourselves through. And you know, many of us, especially high performers, have a very strong critical voice,

Darcy: Rreally, where, where? Where are those people?

Dina: Where would that be? Where would that be? No one I know. No one can relate. No one can relate. Choosing to see ourselves amid struggles and challenges with self-compassion. You know, many high performers, they shun it because they feel like somehow it’s lowering the bar or they could lose their edge. Meanwhile, you know, research shows exactly the opposite. Self-compassion boosts performance, resilience, and composure. Under pressure, we learn faster, we recover faster. I mean, the benefits are are undeniable. Um, and so choosing, choosing that self-compassionate lens, can also somewhat lessen the load of this emotional labor and so.

And then book dives into, like, what can you do before you go into an emotionally loaded situation? And there are specific strategies for that. What can you do when you get triggered in the moment, like, such that you’re not having to like, suppress and fake your emotions, but you’re regulating them such that you can show up composed. And then there are strategies that are best used after the fact for really recovering efficiently from situations that are emotionally demanding. So it’s hard to answer that question efficiently, because there are a variety of different things that leaders can do to take care of themselves better and to perform better in all of the emotional labor that is part of their roles.

Darcy: I think the recognition of that just it is there, and something just like anything else that I need to I want to learn, I want to manage, and also recognizing that it isn’t going to be perfect. And you mentioned the recovery I had a client recently where they weren’t regulated in the moment, and then, you know, they’re reprocessing it in their head on their own. Like, have you said that to him, like, Hey, I don’t like how that came out. Can we do a retake? You know, it just to be human and think we’re overusing the word authentic, but it is just to recognize that sometimes situations suck, right? It’s like they do and and you were talking about the inherent tensions in a lot of the leadership roles today, which think is both like fascinating and awful, right? Because it’s your damn you and damned if you don’t. But there’s a role and some things you need to align to, and we don’t have a control group of if I make choice A, then know what happens, versus if I make choice B, that’s not how life works. And so having that confidence, but then knowing that that’s part of managing, you know, the emotional part of it, not just the fact part of it, right? That is almost the lesser part,

Dina: Yes, right, right. No. I mean, there’s, I want. One of the things that I love to share when I’m talking with leaders about emotions is, you know, so many of us grew up with messages like, Big Girls Don’t Cry or man up, or don’t be so sensitive. Or, you know, we just didn’t talk about emotions and our houses growing up, right? It was about productivity and worth and blah, blah, blah, um, and so anyhow, all of this taken together, it, it has led to kind of a situation where I think certain emotions are seen as weaknesses to be pushed aside.

But emotions are not good or bad. Like all emotions are, are information data points that give us really important clues to our needs, our values, our boundaries, um, and when we tune into those, you know, we have even more like rich information to bring to bear on a situation that can help us make better decisions, help us have healthier relationships, help us be more successful in our careers. And so for these leaders who are highly cognitive, you know what I try to help them see is like I get your. A thinker, but like, there’s all this other information, right? Like that, could be so much to your benefit. But you need to stop thinking about these emotions as good or bad, because that’s not, that’s not what they are. They’re just data points. They’re information. And often times, that reframing of what they are is helpful.

Darcy: It’s a great perspective, because if you were trying to make, you know, a business decision, and there were five reports in front of you, and you decided not to look at one of them, you know, why would you ignore that other source of data, you know? Why wouldn’t you look at all the available data and think of it as a source of data, and trusting with that data is, you know, is telling you and and learning from that data

Dina: Absolutely and you know, thinking is great for logic, but ultimately, like emotion is what drives action and motivation. So whether you acknowledge the emotions or not yours or others, you know, they’re they’re still, they’re still, like driving decision making. And if you make a decision and you need to implement it, you know, and it, you call it an organizational change, or whatever, like not acknowledging some of the emotions that might evolve through that, right? It’s just you’re going to have less successful implementation,

Darcy: Well, you called the book emotionally charged. There’s a story behind this. So why emotionally charged?

Dina: Thank you for asking that question. The title actually has dual meaning and so emotionally charged. Right? Leaders are charged with managing emotions in in their organizations, right? It is. It is part of their role, whether it is written down in their job description or not, like they’re charged with that. But workplaces today are also more emotionally charged, right for many of the reasons that we’ve already talked about, we have a more diverse and polarized workforce. We have people who are coming into work, you know, more strained and stressed than ever, just due to some of the larger world demands and stressors that that are really like the emotional backdrop for all of our days, like information overload a relentless pace, like broader conditions of political turmoil and social unrest and climate disasters and wars and pandemics and market volatility and blah, blah, blah, like, you’ve just got people coming in, right, who are a little bit more, like, loaded up and and so they’re, they’re, you know, organizations are a bit more emotionally charged too. So, yeah, it has a dual has a dual meaning.

Darcy: I run a senior level women’s coaching group for major international manufacturer. And one of the women participating this lives in Ukraine and and it is interesting, the emotional charge, if you will, of everybody hearing that, you know, and, and, but then also her man managing at, you know, the time of this recording, the, you know, a war, being like, right or zone, and still doing your work right, selling snack foods, right, you know, so it’s, it’s So there is a lot of layers, and yes, charged and charged and tasked with doing it. And you’re right. I’ve never seen that on an executive job description or recruiting sheet to say, you know, must manage emotions of team and self, right? I like to see that. I might recommend hat  someone do that sometime. So, yeah. Anyway, great. Well, Dina, where can people find out? Where can they find the book? Find out more about you? What’s the best place?

Dina: Thank you. Well, I am on LinkedIn. My name is Dina Denham Smith. You might find more Dina Smiths out there, but I, I think there may only be one. Dina Denham Smith, yeah,  my website is DinaDSmith.com, and those are, those are the best places to find me. I don’t really hang out on any other social media platforms. I just can’t handle it. Those two places, and then, you’ll find my book, obviously, on Amazon and other booksellers and so forth.

Darcy:. Pick up the book,  read through it, offer it to your team, to a friend, write reviews. Reviews and book purchases are always a good vote for the author. Dina, thank you so much for spending time here with me today. Is there one thing you want to leave anyone listening with? One thought, one idea from this conversation to help them better manage their emotional charge?

Dina: I think I would just sign off with like a word of encouragement, right, which is just the, the world has changed and really, so must we to not just survive, but to actually thrive. I feel like we’ve been talking about digital upskilling for like, two decades now, so maybe three. But what we really need to do to sustain not just our performance, but also our well-being in in this new world is emotional upscaling and emotional skill. It’s all something that can be learned. So no matter where you are on the learning curve, it’s a great place to start. So I would just encourage people to think about it like any other form of development like that. This is just a place where you know increasing your capacity and your skill will not just benefit you but benefit others in your life as well. So

Darcy: Terrific. Well, Dina Denham Smith, my friend, the author, thank you again for being here. Everybody, go check out the book and check out Dina on LinkedIn, on her website and in her Harvard Business Review articles too, and we’ll post a few of those there. Thanks Dina!

Dina: Thank you  for having me!

The post Are You Emotionally Charged? A Chat with Dina Denham Smith appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

Retirement Reflections: Fishing for a New Identity 23 Sep 7:35 AM (29 days ago)

A note from Darcy:

Some people spend years daydreaming about retirement—the open calendar, the freedom, the chance to finally “do nothing.” But what hyapens when that dream starts to feel different once it’s real?

In today’s guest post, you’ll hear from Becky Healy, a former State Farm leader just a few months into retirement. She’s learning lessons most of us never think about while we’re planning our retirement, and I wanted to share them with those of you with retirement on your minds. 

These retirement reflections aren’t about money or logistics, but about identity, purpose, and the quiet surprises of life after work. Read on—and consider how you might want to plan differently now to create the life you want later. 

Retirement Reflections: Fishing for a New Identity

by Becky Healy

It happened again last night.

I woke up babbling about revising the memo and preparing a communication plan to roll out the company’s new retirement plan. Then I sat up, looked around and realized communication plans and memos were no longer my responsibility.

I retired nine months ago, but I was still having work dreams. What the heck?

Let me back up a bit.

After I graduated from college, I bounced around from one newspaper to another as a reporter. I enjoyed the work, but the pay was a little on the light side. When I fell into a communications position at a Fortune 50 company, I was fulfilled, relied upon, and blissfully happy for 45 years. I’ll admit there were days I dreaded going to the office, and I didn’t enjoy interactions with challenging people. I worked long hours and often sacrificed my personal life to meet deadlines.

But there were benefits. I wasn’t a clerk, a specialist or an analyst. I was a writer, editor, and wordsmith. I loved helping people throughout the organization. Deadlines heightened my creativity. The teams I worked with were industrious, talented people with incredible senses of humor. We balanced stress with laughter.

When I turned fifty-five, I never once thought about retirement. I was healthy, happy, and challenged. Others I worked with started heading into the sunset. When I bumped into them in the community, they gushed that retirement was bliss. They had time to do what they wanted. They didn’t have to get up early.

When asked when I was going to retire, I’d reply with a vague “soon.”

One day, my responsibilities were rearranged, and my duties no longer included the work I loved. Rather than becoming one of those bitter people who griped about the company, I finally announced my retirement.

The first few months were fine. I was busy buying a new house and moving across the country. I still had access to my work email. Friends and co-workers stayed connected and asked me questions.

I was part of something.

And then one day I wasn’t.

I was on my own. No email. No deadlines. No questions to answer.

I’d been striving to meet deadlines my entire working life. It was tough to fill nearly unlimited free time. Work invaded my dreams for months.

One day, while driving aimlessly around town, it struck me. I had been kind of a bright fish at work. I got calls and emails asking for help with a grammar question or to share what I knew about a company milestone.

In my new life, no one called or asked for anything.

Now, I no longer had an identity. When I slipped off that familiar cloak of the workplace, I felt naked.

I brooded. I watched too much TV. The day I spent an hour wandering up and down the grocery store aisles searching for nothing, I knew it was time to quit lamenting the loss of the old me and start building the new me.

Here’s how I found a post-retirement identity.

1. Make new friends.

I complicated my retirement by moving to a new state. I was closer to family, but I left behind friends to have dinner with or see a movie. I stayed connected via text and social media, but I missed talking with people in person.

So, when asked, I joined a neighborhood breakfast group. Every week, we carpool to a restaurant, eat eggs and bacon, shoot the breeze, and support one another. When there was a vacancy on the Homeowners Association board of directors, I accepted the offer to join.

2. Find new ways to use my skills.

I believe everyone has a story to tell, and I now have time to dig for those stories. That’s why I began working with a local nursing facility to tell residents’ stories. I also began experimenting with new techniques to polish my personal writing, and I signed up for online courses.

3. Seek assistance.

I asked fellow retirees for guidance. Their input confirmed it was time to quit whining, move forward and maybe get a pet. I also called upon professional colleagues I’d met over the years.

Those conversations lead to coaching sessions and classes to help enhance clarity around what I wanted and improve my focus. I sought ways to expand my horizons and signed up to be a citizen archivist with the National Archives.

***

Through conversations and self-exploration, I learned that grandkids and gardening made some retirees happy. Others enjoyed traveling and volunteering. But for me, my new identity had to fit my interests and aspirations.

I still set an alarm and have a morning routine. I make lists. I mentally edit articles I read online. While whispers of my past persist, I continue to seek a new identity that fits.

Becky Healy has returned to her love of fiction writing after retiring from a successful career in journalism and corporate communications. Her stories are blossoming on pages yet to be released. When not writing, she enjoys seeking inspiration from fellow writers, spending time with friends and exploring her native Colorado. Contact her at AQuietPage@outlook.com

Need help getting clear on who you are and what you want NOW? Check out Coach Darcy’s on-demand class, Get Career Clear: 

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5 Signs You Need to Take Time Off Now (& It’ll Be Okay) 30 Jul 1:37 AM (2 months ago)

What if the best career strategy you could put in place right now was to take time off from your job?

Sounds crazy, right?

I mean, if you take time off, how can you stay visible and make sure your job is SAFE?

How can you get things DONE?

Oh, and weren’t we taught the only way to create career success is to work harder and longer?

Sure, that works . . .  sometimes.

But right now—and especially during times of dramatic change, whether organizational change or worldwide change— smart professionals watch for the signs that say it’s time for a break.

And then, they take it.

Here are five signs telling you it’s time to take time off.

Sign #1: You’re feeling . . . stuck.

Full disclosure: I’m grateful for stuckness.

When you’re stuck in a career quandary or workplace challenge, that’s typically when you find your way here for help. That’s when you invest in private coaching or online classes with me. That’s when you read my book, “Red Cape Rescue: Save Your Career Without Leaving Your Job.”

But being stuck sucks.

I don’t want it for you, or anyone you love.

Often, taking time off can help you get clear on where you’re stuck.

And while the universe may not reveal itself to you during your time off and automagically erase the stuckiness from your life, taking a break can help you remember—and appreciate—the things in your life that aren’t so bad.

For example, in my conversations with clients, I notice that stuckness often takes a disproportionate amount of space in our minds.

It crowds out recognition of what’s going well, like our families, health, relationships, or even specific successes that we’re just not seeing when we spend all our time mulling over where we’re stuck.

So if you’re struggling being stuck, get your time off booked. You’ll never know what might unstick if you don’t.

Sign #2: Your brain needs a break.

Our bodies and brains are not built to operate like a computer, 24/7.

We’re built to sprint, then rest; then sprint, and rest.

Our bodies require that natural rhythm of up and down.

But we already know this, right?

After all, when our heart’s beating too fast after an extreme workout, we sit down until it goes back to normal.

When our legs start shaking after taking the stairs one too many times, we prop them up and give ’em a rub.

Why don’t we give our brains the same support?

Our big, beautiful brain is easily among the all-star organs in our bodies.

So let’s treat it as an honored friend, and give it the time off it needs to recharge and refresh.

Sign #3: Your team needs space to grow.

Sometimes our work is so broad, so powerful, so important that we don’t leave room for anyone else.

But when there’s no room for anyone else, your team can’t grow, and you’ll never grow beyond where you are now.

I had a client once who was worried about the time she was taking off to celebrate her sister’s wedding. She’d earned the break and the wedding was an important family event.

However, as she explained, she led a large team, many of whom were new in the past year. She worried about:

• Projects that’d fall through the cracks;
  
• Mistakes that could happen;
  
• What others would think if there were problems.

After we talked through it, she realized her decision to take time off created an ideal situation to stretch her team’s muscles.

In her absence, they could see firsthand what it took to do the work she did, deepening their learning.

Before she left, it’d force her to teach and document her processes, too.

Finally, her absence would shine a flashlight through the work gaps—the places where the company or department is at risk because only one person knows what to do or how to do it.

Mind you, I understand the mindset that keeps us trapped in being “the one and only.” We falsely believe it creates job security and lessens the chance we’d ever get laid off or furloughed.

It doesn’t work that way. When you point out the gaps and find the pain, you actually become more valuable than ever.

Sign #4: You need to be more productive.

Want to accelerate your productivity?  Take time off.

Yup, it’s true.

I’ll always remember this story from when I was a young pup at a large management consulting firm.

I was meeting with a very accomplished leader who’d just returned from six weeks off as part of the firm’s sabbatical program, casually called “splash” (as in a “splash” of vacation time).

I remember the conversation sounding something like this:

“I’ve never been an advocate for splash.  I thought it’d take me too far out of the swing of things; that I’d get stale.

But it shocked me how valuable it’s been.

At first, I thought about nothing work-related. And that was new to me.”

[Sidenote: I’d worked on one of this leader’s teams; he was intense.]

“Later, even when I wasn’t thinking about work, I realized I’d started thinking differently about a few of the problems we’ve been facing over and over.

Now that I’m back, I feel like I’ve made more real progress in three days than in the three weeks I scrambled before getting out of town.

I’m already planning my next break.”

What that leader had unintentionally discovered was rest is the secret sauce to great productivity.

We’ve always known that stepping away from problems helps us find better solutions. It’s how our brains function.

But for some reason, we’re afraid to let go. We’re afraid to look like we’re not working hard enough or long enough.

If you’re having trouble convincing yourself (or someone you love) to take time off, remember that time off will make you more productive overall.

Sign #5: Someone you love needs attention.

Is someone missing you?

Maybe even someone who’s living in the same house with you?

(If anyone’s ever implored you to put down the phone or turn off the TV, that’s a sign they want more of you.)

Or, are YOU missing someone, or missing out on how someone important to you is thinking, doing, growing, wanting?

If so, when you take time off, you can attend to those relationships.

Our relationships are often at the heart of having a successful career strategy. If life’s not working well at home, chances are it’s not smooth at work, either.

When we’re not paying attention to our key relationships, everything suffers.

Of course, the relationship that may need attention most might be the one you have with yourself.

Taking yourself on a mini-break could help you have the breakthrough you want.

(Read more about what to do during a career retreat here.)

Moving Ahead

How about YOU? Marked your out-of-office days on your calendar? Scheduling regular time away actually helps your career, not hurts it.

But don’t get tempted by the myth that quitting is the only way to get the time off you need. If you’re considering that decision, take my quiz here to see if it’s time to move on.

Honestly, we need you too much in our world of work for you to stay stuck and exhausted. Get out your calendar now, and plan to take time off you need to create the career you’ll continue to love.

Hey—want more help?

No matter what’s happening in your life at work, a 30-minute chat with me can help you get unstuck and move forward, fast.

Just hit the button below, and pick a date and time that’s available. Answer a few short questions, and then I’ll call you at the time you picked. There’s nothing to prepare–just show up right where you are. If, after we talk, it sounds like one of my coaching programs or courses will help you going forward, I’ll share details after our call. There’s no pressure -my goal is to be helpful immediately.

Spots fill up fast, though, so schedule yours now and start getting the support you deserve.
Need more help? Hit the button below and let’s talk.

The post 5 Signs You Need to Take Time Off Now (& It’ll Be Okay) appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

Revisiting the Introverted Leader with Jennifer Kahnweiler 22 Jul 10:23 PM (3 months ago)

Once upon a time, the phrase “introverted leader” felt like a contradiction. But not anymore.

In this conversation, I’m joined by my friend and colleague Jennifer Kahnweiler, PhD., whose deeply researched and practical book, The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strengths, has helped reshape how we think about leadership no matter what your personal style is. The popular speaker just released her third edition of the book, with all new content covering issues like hybrid and remote work, and screen-based communication.

Whether you’re an introvert ready to lead on your own terms—or an extrovert looking to better support the introverts around you—there’s something powerful here for you.

Let’s dive in.

Get all-new third edition of The Introverted Leader here.

Find out more about Jennifer Kahnweiler here.  

Listen to the Introvert Ally podcast here. 

Get Coach Darcy’s book, “Red Cape Rescue: Save Your Career Without Leaving Your Job” here.

Transcript

(AI generated, so apologies in advance for bot errors)

Darcy Eikenberg, PCC:
Hello, hello, Red Cape Revolution! It’s Darcy here, and I am so happy to have time today with my friend, longtime colleague, and author of The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength, Dr. Jennifer Kahnweiler. Hi, Jennifer!

Jennifer Kahnweiler:
Hey, Darcy—always so wonderful to see you.

Darcy:
The doctor is in! We were just recalling before we hit record that we met a long time ago in Atlanta at a coaches’ meeting. The first version of your book—which was quite different than this newest version—had just come out, and I remember thinking, “Somebody’s writing about introverts? How interesting!” That was way before Susan Cain’s Quiet and before introversion had its moment in the mainstream.

I’d love to hear your journey to this topic—because it’s been, what, over ten years now? Maybe more. Tell us what brought you to it originally, and what’s changed with this third edition, especially in the new world of hybrid and remote work—because that’s changed the dynamic for introverts and extroverts alike.

Jennifer:
Wow—some great questions to unpack there, Darcy. And first, let me just say how much I love being part of your interviews. It’s always a great excuse for us to reconnect. I also want to say how much I admire the work you do—you’re my role model for staying connected with your community.

To your question—my first edition of The Introverted Leader came out in 2009. The original cover featured a Superman-like figure with a giant “I” for introvert. That made sense back then, but things have evolved. I love our new cover—it represents inner strength. It doesn’t have to be the loudest voice in the room to be powerful.

I’ll also say up front: I’m an extrovert. Married to an introvert. My husband Bill and I met in our twenties. What first attracted me to him was his quiet, calm presence—it was such a contrast to my loud, extroverted New York upbringing. Over time, what I initially loved sometimes became a source of frustration because I didn’t understand why he needed so much time alone after being with people. He’d shut down, and I had no idea why.

That all changed when I was introduced to the Myers-Briggs framework. It helped me realize that Bill wasn’t trying to frustrate me—he just processed the world differently. That insight changed our dynamic, and it carried over into my work with leaders.

Fast forward—I moved into leadership development and coaching roles inside large organizations like GE. No matter the audience, when I introduced the concept of introversion and extroversion, it hit a nerve. Particularly for introverts, it gave them language for why they felt overlooked, talked over, or left behind—despite working hard and delivering results. It was powerful.

That’s why I wrote the book—because I couldn’t find the resource I needed for my clients. And it hit a nerve.

Darcy:
And even now, some people still think “introverted leader” is an oxymoron, right? We still have that old-school model of the hard-charging, charismatic front-person. But your work, especially in the new edition and your podcast, highlights how many leaders are successfully leading from within. They’re not changing who they are—but they’re adapting how they show up, how they ask for what they need, and how they make the work work better.

Jennifer:
Exactly. And one of the major shifts I’ve seen—especially since COVID—is that many senior leaders are finally talking about this. Before the pandemic, it was hard to get execs to engage on the topic. But when they were home, they were more open. We heard from CFOs and CEOs about how they struggled as introverts to navigate leadership roles.

What’s important is they weren’t trying to become extroverts. They were modeling strong leadership in their own way—being reflective, being intentional, and yes, being vulnerable.

Let me share a great story—Pat Wadors, a senior HR executive, actually includes “Introverted Leader” in her bio. She had a team of extroverts who weren’t connecting with her, and she didn’t understand why. When she finally asked for feedback, she learned they found her inaccessible. She was eating lunch alone, not realizing how that was being interpreted. So she started opening up, sharing what was going on in her life, including having a new baby. That shift changed everything—because it created connection.

Darcy:
I love that story. And I often use a tool with teams I coach called the “User Guide to Me”—basically, it’s your personal instruction manual: Here’s what ticks me off. Here’s how I communicate. Here’s what’s going on behind the scenes. It invites vulnerability—but not in a way that’s “TMI”—just clarity.

And your point earlier: it’s not about trying to be someone you’re not. It’s about giving others a clear map of how to work best with you.

Jennifer:
Totally. That awareness makes such a difference in how meetings are run, how teams are structured, and how we design spaces. In the new edition, I talk about creating introvert-friendly workplaces—spaces that allow for both collaboration and solitude. It’s especially relevant now that people are returning to offices—but not always for the reasons we expect. Some people go back to the office to focus, because home is too chaotic!

Darcy:
Right! And ironically, even the commute—which used to be the worst—has become a quiet space for some people.

Jennifer:
Exactly. It’s nuanced. And that brings up your question about remote work. Yes, many introverts still prefer working from home. There are real advantages: fewer interruptions, more control over your time, better focus. But there are also risks: disconnection, isolation, and fewer spontaneous opportunities to connect.

That’s why hybrid models rate high—they give flexibility but also occasional structure for connection.

Darcy:
I’ve definitely seen that. Some clients tell me they don’t want to go back, but when they do, they’re glad they did. It’s like exercise—you don’t want to do it, but afterward you feel better. That brings me to your framework. You outline a formula in the book—the Four Ps. Can you walk us through that?

Jennifer:
Absolutely. The Four Ps came from interviewing successful introverted leaders. They told me what worked for them—and this framework emerged organically.

• Prepare – Introverts thrive when they prepare. They think things through. That’s a strength.
• Presence – Once they’ve prepared, they commit to being fully present. They’re not looking back or overthinking. They show up and focus.
• Push – This is the gentle stretch. Not a leap out of the comfort zone, but a nudge. Maybe it’s starting one new conversation, raising your hand in a meeting, or trying something new.
• Practice – Like a muscle, these skills get stronger with repetition. I love Jerry Seinfeld’s metaphor: your creative muscles shrivel if you don’t use them. That’s true here, too.

What’s amazing is that many introverts, after practicing these steps, are told, “You don’t seem like an introvert.” That’s not because they’ve become extroverts—it’s because they’ve learned how to lead in their own way.

Darcy:
Exactly. And it’s something coaches and leaders can use with their teams. Where are you strong? Where do you want to grow? You don’t have to do all four at once.

So, as we wrap up—what’s one takeaway for the introverts listening, and one for the extroverts?

Jennifer:
For introverts: Own your strengths. Step into them fully. You bring value, and the world needs what you offer.

For extroverts: Be an ally. Speak up for those who haven’t found their voice yet. Your advocacy can make a huge difference.

Darcy:
Beautiful. And a great reminder that your podcast is Introvert Ally—and there’s a LinkedIn newsletter by the same name. Plus, you’re offering a free resource, the Quiet Journal.

Jennifer:
Yes! The Quiet Journal is a free download on my website. It’s full of reflection prompts to help you get clarity on how you work best. I’ll share the link for the show notes.

Darcy:
Perfect. So everyone, pick up the new edition of The Introverted Leader. Updated for today’s hybrid workplace, it’s packed with stories, tools, and strategies. Jennifer, thank you for your time and your wisdom—and for all the difference you make in the world.

Jennifer:
Thank you, Darcy—and thank you for being an introvert ally.

The post Revisiting the Introverted Leader with Jennifer Kahnweiler appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

Are You a Follow Up Failure? How to Stand Out By Checking In 16 Jul 3:03 AM (3 months ago)

Here’s a true story of follow up failure . . .

Once upon a time, in a land of accelerated unemployment, a well-connected and experienced coach volunteered to share advice at a national online career fair.

During the event, she talked to 15 different job seekers from all walks of life.

At the end of each conversation, the coach offered to connect each person with others in their industry or field of interest. Her only request: email her to get the ball rolling.

(You probably see where this story is going.)

Five days later, only two of the 15 had emailed. Thirteen other job seekers were a follow up failure.

What’s even more painful is that a friend in the expert’s network had an opening that might have been a fit for one of the seekers.

But the seeker never followed up.

Opportunity missed.

Why do we fail to follow up, especially when it’s in our best interest?

The art of the follow-up is more critical in our careers than ever. And yet, our level of skill is getting weaker and weaker.

Maybe it’s because we have more distractions. Or maybe our short-term memories are weaker since we rarely have to remember anything, instead relying on the googleplex.

In truth, though, it’s all about the excuses.

When I catch people in a follow up failure, I’ll always ask why. Here are the four excuses I hear over and over, along with practical tips you can use if you’ve been hiding behind that excuse, too.

Excuse #1: “I didn’t have time.”

Sure, you’re busy.

But are you busy with the right things?

If you’re looking for a new job or ways to grow, being busy with the wrong things is a trap.

Building better relationships with people is always a right thing. Choose it over everything else.

Here’s a simple strategy to help you build relationships by following up:

• When you commit to a meeting or other event, you likely put on your calendar. (If you’re not using a calendar to track your commitments and instead are keeping them all inside your busy brain, let’s just stop that now.)
• When you’re adding the event to your calendar, do this at the same time:
  • Block out another 15 minutes the same day (or the day after at the latest) for your follow up time.
  • Block out 15 minutes one month later to followup with the same person/people. Write the specifics in your calendar notice.
• During that first block of time, send a thank you email to the person (or people—a separate note each)—who you met with. (Not sure what to say? Keep reading for other scripts.) Invite them to connect on LinkedIn if you’re not already connected (and don’t forget to personalize the invitation.)
• During the second block of time a month later, check in. Tell them you were thinking about them, ask them how they’re doing, etc. If there was a specific suggestion they’d made to you, tell them how you took that advice.

Short emails can take minutes. If you have the person’s postal mail address, a written thank you takes ten minutes max, especially if you keep notecards and stamps on hand. So you’ve got the time – now just use it.

Excuse #2: “I wasn’t sure what to do/write/say.”

Author Seth Godin is known to say that there’s no such thing as writer’s block. “No one ever gets talker’s block,” he states.

Every virtual connection represents a real live person. Would you get blocked on what to say to them if you were still standing face-to-face with them? Probably not.

So let’s start with the basics.

• “It was great to meet you” is certainly appropriate (and yes, even if you met online it still “counts” as meeting.
• Thanks for your time” works too.
• “I’m glad that [NAME OF FRIEND] introduced us.”
• “I hope you enjoyed the [event where we met].”
• “I’d like to stay in touch” is good – especially if you do!!
• “I valued your help and please let me know what I can do for you.”

You can say the same things in your personalized LinkedIn invitation (because, of course you’re connecting with them, right?)

Most importantly, if there was an action or opportunity you really want to keep alive, remind them of it.

• “I appreciate your offer to connect me with one or two people in your network who’ve already become PMPs .. .”
• “Thanks in advance for making the introduction to the recruiter at BarnBurners—I’d love to learn more about the work they’re doing there.”
• “I’m looking forward to reading the book you recommended—I’ve downloaded it to my Kindle!”

A reminder is not a criticism; it’s a service. Unless you’re incredibly memorable, don’t assume they can recall everything they’ve said to everyone.

Excuse #3: “I don’t want to seem pushy, desperate or needy.”

Why do you care?

Seriously, we tend to guess how people are going to judge us before we actually give them the chance to make up their own minds.

In a world increasingly longing to connect, many people are more than willing to help when asked.

While you might think your request is pushy, the person you’re asking might cherish the opportunity to serve.

Excuse #4: “No one followed up with me – why should I?”

Yes, even if you are a follow-up rockstar, it’s the sad truth that others are not.

And it’s getting in their way.

Don’t dumb-down your strength based on what others do. Follow-up efforts make you stand out – and others sit up and take notice.

The story above has a happy ending for one job seeker who did follow-up.

The expert (okay, it was me) immediately connected the seeker to a colleague in her industry who was happy to share insights and leads.

For the cost of the seeker’s short, 30-word email ($0, three minutes max), she created a fresh connection to new possibilities. Now that’s a return on investment!!

If it’s time for more help …

A 30-minute chat with me can help you get unstuck and move forward, fast. Just hit the button below, and pick a date and time that’s available. There’s nothing to prepare.

If, after we talk, it sounds like one of my coaching programs or courses will help you going forward, I’ll share details after our call. There’s no pressure -my goal is to be helpful immediately.

Spots fill up fast, so schedule yours now and start getting the support you deserve.

The post Are You a Follow Up Failure? How to Stand Out By Checking In appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

What To Do Before Your Annual Review (Even If It Seems Far, Far Away) 10 Jul 3:27 AM (3 months ago)

For many of us, just saying the words “annual review” sends our nervous system into overdrive.

But the best way to lower the pressure is to focus NOW on what to do BEFORE your annual review.

Plus, while it’s trendy for companies to talk about shifting from annual performance reviews to continuous feedback, most companies still have an annual process, especially to evaluate changes in pay.

Your annual review still matters.

How can YOU make the most of it?

Use these four strategies and their scripts so you’ll know what to ask, what to say, and what to do before your annual review this year.

What to Do Before Your Annual Review

Strategy 1: Be the Person Who Asks for Feedback, Always

Preparation, it’s said, is the antidote to fear.

So how can we best prepare ourselves for an annual evaluation by our boss, often including the opinions of others?

You can be the person who asks for feedback all the time.

Well, maybe not every second out of every day. That feels a little desperate.

But asking for feedback after major meetings, deadlines, and deliverables–those are perfect times to ask other’s perceptions of your work.

There’s nothing more frightening than being surprised with negative criticism in a review. You can prevent being surprised by making sure you are constantly inviting people around you to share ideas and observations about your performance and habits.

How to Ask: Scripts

(More here in my article “How to Ask for Feedback at Work.”)

The way you ask for feedback is almost as important as the action of asking for it.

If you ask in a generic, lazy way (“how’d I do?”) you’ll typically get generic, lazy answers (“Uh, fine, I guess.”)

But if you focus on specific, targeted requests, your colleagues will respond with smarter, more honest answers–answers that can help you be more aware of how you can improve.

Here are ways to ask:

• “It’s great working with you on this project. I’m curious—what one or two things do you observe that could help me make a stronger contribution?”
• “Would you do me a favor? I’m working on growing my ability to [whatever you’re trying to develop], and I’d appreciate it if you’d share your opinion on how I’m doing after [this meeting/this week/this project closes, etc.] Would you be willing to do that?” [Then be sure to ask them for that opinion after the meeting/week/project, etc.]
• “What other support or actions do you need from me to make sure you can be successful for our work together?”
• “What’s the one thing you would have done differently in this situation if it were you?”

After you ask, shut up and listen.

 

When they’re done, ask:

• “Anything else?”

And when they finally are done, just say:

• “Thank you–I appreciate your insights.”

If the feedback indicates there are things to improve, resist the urge to defend, argue, or counterattack.

Just listen and say thank you.

Or, if the feedback is glowing, suckup sweet, resist the urge to say “awwww, I’m just doing my job.”

Again, just say thank you.

What to Do With That Feedback

Asking for–and listening to–someone else’s opinion does not mean you have to automatically agree, or do what they suggest.

It’s just data to consider.

 

When you’re ready, you can mash the data against what you know to be true for you–your goals, your values, your superpowers.

You can notice the themes in common, or what seems to be perceived differently with different people.

Ultimately, you can decide for yourself whether you want to make any changes or improvements, or whether you just want to be ready to help others understand why you choose to do things the way you do.

Most people are afraid to ask, thinking they don’t want to know what someone else thinks or feels. But you’re not most people.

Put on your red cape, and start being the person who asks for feedback, always.

Strategy 2: Learn What to Expect

What’s the best predictor for a successful annual review?

It’s not the fact that you rocked the corporation this year with your amazing sales, your talented creations, or your heartfelt leadership.

In fact, the worst thing that can happen in a review is that you walk in thinking you are a shooting star, and walk out feeling like a black hole.

Ugh.

But that’s not going to happen to you this year, because you’re going to do the one thing that can help you get ready.

You’re going to know what to expect.

As before, preparation is the antidote to fear.

When we know what to expect from the process, our manager, and even potential content of our review, we take control and can be better prepared about what to do before our annual review.

How to Ask: Scripts to Use

Here’s the ABC’s of where to start.

a. Ask your manager, or whoever will conduct your review.

I’m surprised by the number of people who talk with their manager about every little project and process, but never take time to ask about the annual review process until they’re headlong into the conversation.

So right now, here are some questions to ask your boss, manager, or business leader:

• It’s my understanding that the annual review process is [WHEN]. Is that right? I’d like to understand all the steps you take leading up to it and what happens afterwards. Would you have 10 minutes to walk me through it? (If they’re not prepared to share in that moment–then take the initiative to schedule it.)
• Where are you in the process right now?
• [After you get the overview] I understand how our process is designed to work, but I know we live in the real world and sometimes things shift for speed or resources. Are there any workarounds or informal steps people in your role end up taking to work through the process more effectively here?
• What are the one or two things I should expect from the annual review conversation we’ll have? What should I not expect?
• What do you need me to do in advance to make sure we have a productive review conversation?
• Anything else you want me to know?

Also, even if you’ve been at the company for a while, don’t be embarrassed if you’ve now realized you’re not clear on the processes.

The way companies decide to do things can change often, and there’s no shame in saying to your boss:

• I know I’ve been through an annual review with you before, but I also know lots of processes are changing in our business. I’d like to make sure my expectations are in line for how it’ll work here this year. Can you walk me through the steps and what to expect?
  

A good boss will appreciate your curiosity and desire to know.

A mediocre boss will be forced to think through the process further in order to share it out loud. That’s good.

And a bad boss, well, let’s hope he or she can just learn by your example, but that’s why you keep asking others.

b. Ask your human resources (HR) person.

HR has gotten a bad rap in recent years, as its practitioners have been forced to wear the black hats of layoffs and cost-cutting.

But most HR people I know actually want you to remember they have the word “human” in their title.

Yes, they want to help.

You likely have an HR person who serves your company, department, location, or division.

They may be on the other end of a phone or screen rather than in your physical office (if you’re working in one),  but they’re there.

Don’t assume they can’t help just because you’ve heard that grumble from others. There are awesome HR people and there are stinky HR people, just as there are awesome and stinky IT pros, financial managers, and professional coaches.

Here’s what to ask an HR pro in your company.

• Overall, what are the steps of the annual review process in our company?
• In your experience, how closely does each manager follow that process? If my manager does something different, is that a concern?
• When does the process kickoff, and when does it need to be completed?
• Does our process typically include conversations about my pay, or is that handled in another conversation? If the conversation includes pay, will I also hear about any other rewards (such as bonuses or incentives)?
• If the conversation doesn’t include pay, what is the timing and process of conversations about pay?
• Who is involved in my evaluation and review? What forms get filled out? Who sees those, and do I get a copy?
• In general, do we rate or rank employees against each other here? If so, what do those ratings or rankings mean?
• Will I be asked to sign something confirming I agree with the review?
• Will we be setting goals for the next year, or is that handled in a separate conversation?
• Will we be talking about specific skills to grow and develop?
• What else should I know?

c. Ask a senior, trusted employee in your company.

As you gather information and start to create a picture of what to expect, you may hear conflicting facts. HR may say it works one way; your manager may offer a different view from “in-the-trenches.”

What’s a person to do to find the truth?

You’ll gain valuable insight when you ask another employee who you respect and trust, and who has been through the company’s processes several times in the past.

I’d also err on the side of picking someone who has an optimistic view of the world, rather than the local grumbler or complainer. (Why hang around the dreary?)

Ask your colleague about the process from scratch, using the same questions above.

Then, query them on the inconsistencies, asking them for their theories, or what they do or don’t do about them.

It can be a great conversation to really cement what you can expect from your annual review–and what you shouldn’t expect along the way.

Strategy 3: Maintain Your Own Brag List

Yes, you can learn to brag so that others don’t gag.

(More here.)  

Knowing what you have to brag about—what you’re proud of, what you’ve contributed, how you’ve made a difference—is especially important to have organized before your annual review.

So it’s time to create your brag list—your list of amazing accomplishments, growth, and contributions you’ve made in the past year (or whatever time period you’re being reviewed on.)

Here are rules for creating your brag list:

• Write it in your own words.  At first, no one needs to see it except you. Say what you did in the way that really tells the story–not in corporate speak!
  • For example, DON’T WRITE: “I executed the marketing plan consistently for optimum value, ” INSTEAD, WRITE: “Thanks to my leadership, all of the elements of our marketing plan got done and are now out in the world attracting customers. Yippee!!”
• Write down e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g that comes to mind–not just the things others might say are accomplishments. It doesn’t matter how big or small the accomplishment–write it down. If it’s important to you, it’s important.
  • For example, if you kept yourself composed during the monthly marketing meetings while being questioned within an inch of your life, write it down. If you finally spoke up to the jerk who keeps questioning you in the marketing meetings, write that down, too.
• Park any shyness, censorship, or hesitation at the door, and say all the great things about you that you wish someone else would say.

Scripts to Use

Having trouble getting started? Try words like:

• This year, I was proud to be able to . . .
• It was a great working experience when I . . 
• I grew so much when I . . . .
• I really put my past learning into action this year when I . . .
• I did my best work when . . .
• Life really rocked after I . . .

The brag list gives you clarity around the situations that worked best for you this year. It helps you build confidence around your accomplishments.

It also helps you get your success stories into words that you can use when you need them, whether at your performance review or at any other time.

If you get stuck .. .

As Ferris Bueller said, life moves pretty fast . . .

 

When you’re starting your brag list, and can’t remember what the good things were that happened this year, try these tricks:

• Review your calendar. Where you spent your time tells you oodles about what’s been important across the year.
• Do a quick email scan. I’d set a timer and limit yourself to about 10 minutes of this lest you get sucked into email cleanup or discovering loose ends that no longer matter.
• If you actively use LinkedIn (and of course, you should), review your profile for things you’ve shared. What you talked about in cyberspace may be what you should still be talking about now.

Still stuck?

Pretend you are writing a recommendation for your best friend— that friend just happens to be you. What great things would you brag about for that friend? After all, you’ve been there to witness all the hard work—and hopefully to celebrate the successes.

It’s time to start your brag list today. In fact, it’s helpful to keep it up all year-long, adding to it once a month (make this brainless and set an repeating appointment on your calendar).

Remember, you’re doing great things. Let’s keep track of them so you can remind others of them before your next annual review.

Strategy #4: Talk Before the (Official) Talk

Does your annual performance review quickly degrade into running down the a checklist of tasks you and your boss haven’t discussed in a while?

Do you long for a big, meaty, insightful conversation, but end up with a ho-hum information exchange that could have been communicated in email?

If that’s the case, it’s time for you to initiate the talk before the talk.

If you’ve used Strategy 2 above, you’ve learned what to expect from the actual, official “annual review.”

And often, it’s not the right place to START a conversation about your career growth, promotability, or your achievements.

Rather, it’s a great place to CONTINUE a conversation you’ve already initiated.

Yes, it’s your job to initiate the talk before the talk. Not your manager.

Even if you’re blessed with an amazing manager or leader, they–like you–are probably busier than ever.

And so if you want attention to what’s important to you—like your advancement or growth opportunities–it’s up to you to create time for those conversations and plant the right seeds, long before the officialness of the annual review.

What to Say: Scripts

If your boss isn’t already scheduling—and keeping—a regular check-in meeting with you, invite her to catch up at least a month before performance review time.

You can say:

• “I know you have a lot going on, and we haven’t had the chance to connect live/voice-to-voice for a while. What would be helpful to know from me as we get ready for our annual performance review conversation?”
• “With our annual review conversation coming up, what’s the one thing you want to make sure we cover then?”

Also, remember how you don’t want any surprises in your annual review? Well, your manager is the same way.  Springing a fresh topic or ask during the annual review can be an unpopular–and unproductive–strategy.

But if you do have questions or expectations for the review, the talk before the talk sets those expectations in advance:

• “I have a few questions I’d like to make sure we talk about in the next few months. What works best for you—making time during our annual review conversation, or scheduling additional time to talk shortly afterward?”
• “I know our annual review is approaching. Will you be sending me anything in advance to prepare? If not, I have some thoughts/ questions I’d like to cover, and I’ll send them to you by [commit to a date that’s far enough in advance to give your manager a chance to look at them]. “

Don’t wait for others to tell you what or when–start talking before it’s time to talk.

You’ll take back the control you need –and you’ll be better positioned to bring your superpowers to work.

Hey—want more help?

No matter what’s happening in your life at work, a 30-minute chat with me can help you get unstuck and move forward, fast.

Just hit the button below, and pick a date and time that’s available. Answer a few short questions, and then I’ll call you at the time you picked. There’s nothing to prepare–just show up right where you are. If, after we talk, it sounds like one of my coaching programs or courses will help you going forward, I’ll share details after our call. There’s no pressure -my goal is to be helpful immediately.

Spots fill up fast, though, so schedule yours now and start getting the support you deserve.

The post What To Do Before Your Annual Review (Even If It Seems Far, Far Away) appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

When Someone You Love Hates Their Job: A Reader Question Answered 25 Jun 5:55 AM (3 months ago)

When someone you love hates their job, what can you do?

Sure, you want to help, but how?

Here’s the question my reader asked:

My husband hates his job. He’s in charge of a large company and is constantly miserable and grumpy. He says he can’t quit because he needs money for our kids in university. He’s really burnt out, doesn’t sleep and won’t seek help. It’s ruining everything. Any suggestions for him?

If that sounds like you, here’s some help. But first, a few caveats:

• I’m no relationship expert. I’m not attempting any marriage counseling here.
• And second, I’m not a therapist, and it’s always possible there are bigger issues at stake here that are better handled through therapy than coaching.  (Yes, there is a difference.  Therapy often focuses on understanding our past and coaching focuses on taking actions toward our future.)

But based only on this email, and based on what I’ve learned watching people in similar situations (on both sides of a relationship), here are actions I suggest this reader—or you—try if someone YOU love hates their job.

[Find more resources here]

Another thing you can say

Consideration #2: What can you DO?

Maybe it is. But sometimes it’s not. So it’s time to do the math.

Grab one of the amazing free apps out there to help. Or hire someone to help you do it, like a fee-based financial planner who can meet with you to look at what you have, listen to where you need to go, and help you see whether you’re on the right path or not.

No matter how you do it, though, DO look closely at the excuse of money.

You may find that you and your husband absolutely need to continue generating $X00,000 year while the kids are in university.

But you may also find you need less.

Or you may find that yes, you need a certain amount of money, but you have not yet explored other roles or companies where you could make just as much.

Or you may find that you need to help teach your children now about their future expenses, and start preparing them for whatever support they’ll need to handle on their own.

There are many levers to pull, but you have to know the facts first.

Doing your homework to know the facts lets you explore all the options, so you know what’s real, and what’s just imagined.

The post When Someone You Love Hates Their Job: A Reader Question Answered appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

Reset Your Remote Team: 4 Fresh Strategies 18 Jun 12:37 AM (4 months ago)

Hybrid? WFH? WTF! Here’s the truth: if you’re a knowledge worker in a large organization today, you’re probably working with some combination of a remote team, sometime, somewhere.

 

Maybe you’re in the office, but others aren’t. Or maybe you’re all there together–but just for a day or two. Or maybe everyone in your company is back to a physical office—but your vendors, clients and customers aren’t.

Love it or loathe it, working with remote teams will likely always be part of how we work, especially if we’re in a global organization.

So how can we, as leaders and caring team members, make it better for everyone—company, colleagues, and ourselves? How can we hit the reset button and make our remote teams work better, not only for our organizations but for all of the people in it?

Try these four strategies, and reset your remote team right now.

Strategy #1: Revisit Every Reason

When you look at your calendar, does every time commitment have a clear why?

If it does, does that why still matter?

For example, a leader at one of my client’s companies decided his team needed a 9 am check-in, and a 4 pm check-in, each day.

He felt this rhythm kept the team connected, sharing stories, and feeling less alone.

But over time, the leader wondered if the meeting was helping—or hurting. He started noticing that no one had anything to say or ask at each day’s 4 pm check-in—and neither did he.

Soon, he started canceling the meetings at the last minute. However,  the cancellations were random and he later discovered that since it was on people’s calendars, his last-minute cancellations were a source of frustration rather than a gift of found time.

It was time to revisit the reason.

Did the team still need those twice-daily check-ins? Did they even need every day? Does the reason we started this still make sense?

The leader realized that while his intention was good, the reason no longer was relevant, and the team could do a meeting a week and accomplish the same goals.

People —and projects, and processes—change, constantly. Lift your head up from time to time and ask yourself and your colleagues, “why are we doing this again?”

Strategy #2: Disrupt Your Communication Pattern

If ever there was a time for the phrase “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should,” it’s now.

• Just because you can hold a video meeting doesn’t mean it needs to be a video meeting.
• Just because you’re using a video platform doesn’t mean everyone has to attend with cameras on.
• Just because you know someone’s online doesn’t mean you should message them anytime.
• Just because you can be live doesn’t mean you need to be live when a recording can do.
• Just because you have access to a fresh technology doesn’t mean it’s better than the old technologies.

You’re human. You’ve likely fallen into a pattern that once felt different, but is now ingrained.

It’s time to take a step back and ask yourself:

Is your communication pattern working for your remote team? For YOU?

Take a hard look at all the elements of your communication, and see which may need a right turn, an experiment, or fresh approach. Consider:

• What you’re saying
• How you’re saying it
• To whom
• How often
• What you’re expecting from it

Disrupting ourselves keeps our messaging fresh and helps renew attention. It can also come as a welcome relief to your team, who knows that what you’re doing isn’t working, but who’s not going to tell you.

Strategy #3: Learn Better Facilitation Skills

You’ve probably heard the new trope: people are tired of video meetings or that they have “zoom fatigue.”

I think that’s a lie.

People aren’t tired of video meetings.

People are tired of BAD video meetings—and too many of our online meetings are still, to this day, oh so bad.

It’s actually quite shocking how bad many of these meetings still are—and how easy they’d be to fix.

All it takes is active facilitation.

At its heart, “facilitation” means making things easier. No wonder it’s the hottest skill of the new century. If you can facilitate well, you’ll have a job for life.

When you’re working with your remote team, it’s your duty to become an excellent facilitator, whether or not someone formally hands you the reins. When you’re a facilitator, you’re the glue who:

• Clarifies the purpose. Whether it’s a meeting, call or in-person event someday, our human brains crave clarity.  When someone takes control and says, “We’re here for X, Y and Z,” it relaxes our brain and helps us focus.
• Connects the dots. Tell us where we’ve been, and where we’re going next.
• Asks great questions, especially the ones no one is asking. A great facilitator doesn’t let loose ends lie. “I heard us say we care about Project M, but that hasn’t come up in this conversation. Is there a reason for that?”
• Recasts what’s been decided. “I’m hearing us agree on x and y, but we’re not in agreement on z yet. Does that reflect what the rest of you are hearing?”

If you don’t know what you could be doing better, ask your team. If they’re disengaged and won’t tell you, invite someone from outside your department or hire a professional coach to observe your next online meeting.

[More tips here—and a bit of a rant from me—on improving your video meetings.]

Are you the presenter, rather than just the facilitator? Use these tips.

Strategy #4: Be a Role Model for Well-Being

Do your office hours end each day, allowing you to go unplugged, not checking email, texts or social channels?

Have you taken any time off in the past year?

If you’re working ’round the clock, consider this your warning. Your team looks to you, no matter what your role.

So go first.

Be the role model, the one willing to show ’em how it’s done.

Schedule the break. Reset expectations, or recreate new boundaries on your time, energy, and efforts. 

Your well-being matters to so many, and not just your remote team. Take care of you so you can take care of them.

Hey—want more help?

No matter what’s happening in your life at work, a 30-minute chat with me can help you get unstuck and move forward, fast.

Just hit the button below, and pick a date and time that’s available. Answer a few short questions, and then I’ll call you at the time you picked. There’s nothing to prepare–just show up right where you are. If, after we talk, it sounds like one of my coaching programs or courses will help you going forward, I’ll share details after our call. There’s no pressure -my goal is to be helpful immediately.

Spots fill up fast, though, so schedule yours now and start getting the support you deserve.

GET STARTED HERE

Read this next:

What to Say So People Stay

The post Reset Your Remote Team: 4 Fresh Strategies appeared first on Red Cape Revolution.

12 Simple Success Secrets from My Dad 10 Jun 11:08 PM (4 months ago)

How did you learn the success secrets you use every single day?

More importantly, how did you learn what success should look like for YOU?

We’re surrounded by everyone else’s good ideas about what makes a successful life at work: more money, bigger teams, a higher profile, a larger budget.

These might equal success for you.

But maybe they don’t.

In my work as a professional coach, I’ve learned that the most successful people at work have made an active decision about what success means for them.

And most of the time, those decisions were influenced by people they love, respect and value.

I hope you have one, if not many, of those people in your life to help you define your own success.

For me, one of those people was my dad.

(Of course, another is my mom, whose lessons I’ve shared here. )

A few years before he died, my dad jotted down his simple success secrets.

As you navigate your path to whatever success looks like for you today, perhaps one of these secrets will help you get there easier.

12 Simple Success Secrets from My Dad

1. When people do things that are hurtful and you don’t understand why, remember that their action is seldom about you.

It’s almost always about them.

They may never have even thought about you while committing what you saw as their offense. Looking at the situation through that lens can save you a lot of heartache.

(In my book Red Cape Rescue: Save Your Career Without Leaving Your Job, I call this “assuming positive intent.” It’s gotten me through a lot of tough situations. More about the book here.)

2. If you’re going to lead, you have an obligation to those you lead.

Don’t underestimate that their jobs—and lives‚—can depend on your judgment and actions.

Yes, you can choose lead without choosing to have an obligation to others, but Hitler and Stalin did that, too. Choose your actions carefully.

3. Being a little scared is not unhealthy.

Some internal apprehensiveness can sharpen your thoughts, drive action, and generate a lot of healthy energy.

4. Never ask your boss what you should do before telling him or her your own thought-out solution.

Once your boss tells you his/her thoughts, it’s not easy to carry out your own should your ideas differ.

5. Conversely, if you’re the boss, ask your team their opinion first.

While you may already know the solution, you’re never going to get their true thoughts and creative ideas once you put your ideas on the table.

6. No matter what business you’re in, the ability to write and speak a clear, concise report is vital to success.

Words still matter. Use them.

7. Nothing you say or write to anyone is guaranteed private.

Know that anything you say or do today could be shared anywhere, and even your closest friends have loose lips at times.

(How true this continues to be, more than my Dad ever could have imagined!)

8. Personal involvement in charitable, community, religious and civic activities often provide training and experience that your current workplace can’t offer.

If you want to grow but can’t find out how to do it inside, make the time to get involved outside.

9. If you’ve been doing things the same way for several years, chances are you’re behind the times and don’t yet know it.

Get out and go to trade shows, conferences, or visit other organizations to see how they’re doing things. Don’t work to justify your current way and be a victim of culture and procedural bias. Expect there’s a new way developing.

10. Just because someone has a broader or more prestigious education than yours doesn’t guarantee more analytical ability or better judgment.

Everyone is capable of good judgment if they ask good questions and apply common sense to confusing situations.

11. As basic as it seems, learn to look around inside an organization.

Look for dust on inventory shelves, repairs that have been left undone, people who are in the office but not really present.

What’s it sound like, or smell like? Everything from your first step inside the door of an organization tells you about what’s happening in that company—and what’s not.

(It’s also a great way to find a new job right where you are.)

12. Accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative. Don’t mess with Mr. In-Between.

(Well, Dad, Johnny Mercer actually said that, but it’s still one of the most important lessons I’ve learned from you. Thanks for helping me soar.)

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