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Mysterious improvement in children’s behavior following announcement of PS4 release date 22 Aug 2013 | 12:35 am
Mom, did I ever tell you how much I love you? Parents across America have reported sudden and baffling improvements in their children’s behavior following Sony’s announcement that the PS4 will hit st...
PS4 and Xbox One still not powerful enough to do legs, says Infinity Ward 19 Aug 2013 | 11:22 pm
Having recently outlined some of the graphical improvements found in the PS4 and Xbox One renditions of Call of Duty: Ghosts, Infinity Ward today confirmed that the new consoles were still not powerfu...
“It better fucking have Bigfoot in it”, gamers tell Rockstar 18 Aug 2013 | 01:10 am
Rockstar can take GTA 5′s exciting new gameplay features and shove them up its ass unless it has Bigfoot in it, gamers have said. Despite announcements that the latest installment will feature the bi...
Shareholders win console war! 16 Aug 2013 | 12:45 am
With the current generation of consoles coming to a close, PS3 and Xbox 360 owners were today shocked to discover that it was savvy investors with actual shares in Sony and Microsoft that had won the ...
The Secret Diary of Max Payne: Day as a children’s entertainer 11 Aug 2013 | 11:55 pm
Dear Diary I’ve faced down psychopaths armed with rocket launchers, spitting hatred at me from behind a teflon shield while I pump them full of bullets. I’ve broken a man’s arm, then beat him to deat...
“I’m still more hated than the Xbox One”, insists Lord Voldemort 10 Aug 2013 | 09:23 pm
Having become aware of the large amount of criticism being directed at Microsoft’s upcoming console, a furious Lord Voldemort today insisted that he remained significantly more hated than the Xbox One...
Unemployed 38-year-old man who still lives with his parents confident Xbox One will win next-gen 5 Aug 2013 | 08:50 pm
The debate as to which next-gen console will prove more successful appears to have been resolved today after a jobless 38-year-old man from Ohio confirmed in a three thousand word blog post that the X...
Xbox One to feature go-faster stripes 3 Aug 2013 | 02:55 pm
With the news that the Xbox One will be getting a 53MHz bump to its GPU speed having failed to impress gamers, an increasingly frantic Microsoft today revealed that the console would also feature go-f...
Man fixes computer by swearing at it 30 Jul 2013 | 09:02 pm
In what’s thought to be the first case of its kind, a British man today successfully fixed his computer by hurling a tirade of verbal abuse at it. Having spent three hours unsuccessfully attempting t...
Microsoft’s backpedalling could power small country say scientists 26 Jul 2013 | 08:51 pm
Scientists searching for new clean and renewable energy sources have stated that the frantic backpedalling by Microsoft in recent weeks could potentially power a small nation. Whilst the scientific c...
