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Murdering my darlings 26 Aug 2013 | 05:00 am

I’ve pared down the blog again. In about a week, I’ll really be out in the world, a known figure (hello, acquaintance!) and would prefer that my story be a more private one, that my insecurities be se...

Behind a scrim of smoke and ash 21 Aug 2013 | 07:30 pm

Gin and I share a ragged history. The first summer Kevin entered my mother’s life, every weekend I siphoned gin from the Gordon’s bottle she kept in the freezer. I poured a healthy quantity into a scr...

Magical thinking 20 Aug 2013 | 05:45 am

You are my grandmother’s voice, a champagne buzz, the shudder of the first touch, the skinned knee sticky with blood and rough with gravel. You are cigarette smoke and Edie Brickell and the New Bohemi...

Appreciating the view 18 Aug 2013 | 08:20 pm

Saturday, 10:00 p.m. It’s dueling computers, the two of us sitting next to each other in the dark in a not-quite-cabin at a wilderness research center near Truckee, California. I am sticky and slight...

Zombiefied 16 Aug 2013 | 02:40 am

I should be putting the cut vines out back into the green waste. I should be sweeping the cosmos seeds off the sidewalk. I could be changing the sheets in the back room for our house sitter this weeke...

You cannot know what you have not learned 15 Aug 2013 | 12:15 am

I am on my third cup of iced coffee, becoming more jittery and spacey by the sip, my attention span shortened by caffeine and the memories of last night’s wine, my focus flitting between Jack White st...

Destruction through fires, lies, and the switch 12 Aug 2013 | 11:00 pm

My dream version of him emerged from the smoking ruins of his life. A pile of ash here, an untouched couch there, the door frames blackened with soot, his belongings smoke-infused and soaked. The flam...

Place your shoes down gently 10 Aug 2013 | 12:00 am

It was ten years ago today that the man and I got married on the beach in Malibu, against a backdrop of rock and ocean and parasurfers. It was a beautiful day in a lovely location with a small crowd, ...

The shirt stays in the picture 8 Aug 2013 | 03:00 am

What I am wearing may look like a shirt. But it is not. It is an era shrunk down to a men’s size medium. It is a friendship long over. It is a bygone place and time, Washington College in Chestertown,...

Tangled and twisted and totally normal 5 Aug 2013 | 11:00 pm

A clutch of cooked eggs in the sieve on the countertop. Nick the cat curled on the cabinet. The roar of heat, the watery tumble of the shower. My robe, red terrycloth, a present from an ex-mother-in-l...

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