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Monday Judgements and Warnings 27 Aug 2013 | 06:37 am

Dear Sir, Not that you would have stopped your flapping gums from fluttering in the breeze for one half second but the number of times you used the word “draconian” in your conversation was very drac...

Sunday Secret 26 Aug 2013 | 05:28 am

It’s difficult to explain but if I could explain it to you I would tell you that I’ve wandered into my own life and made it my own. Each step and route I’ve taken, mapless, has happened as a result of...

Things I Don’t Understand, Items 682 thru 684 24 Aug 2013 | 04:47 am

682. Al Sharpton’s head, from the side 683. How exhausting vacations can be 684. When people have email signatures that are as long as the Magna Carta

Cooper Being Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat 22 Aug 2013 | 05:37 am

 In between takes, the sexy starlet rests her weary bones and dreams of a land where there are no penises.

What I Tell Myself 21 Aug 2013 | 06:05 am

Know that every storm has a message for you.

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain 20 Aug 2013 | 06:13 am

1. Trees produce oxygen 2. Carbonated drinks make you burp 3. Eventually every human being on earth will appear in a Tyler Perry sitcom

Sunday Secret 19 Aug 2013 | 06:14 am

One of my favorite things to do, when I get the chance, is to lag behind my miniature precious family and watch them be who they are.  It might be that we’re walking to the ocean and I keep myself man...

Saturday SlobberLove 18 Aug 2013 | 03:58 am

Sometimes on Saturday, when the ones who walk us seem to be lounging around more than usual, complaining about the fog, we like to take the opportunity to torment them in a loving way by challenging t...

Things I Don’t Understand, Items 679 thru 671 16 Aug 2013 | 04:34 am

679. America’s love affair with Breaking Bad 670. Jackhammers in the morning 671. People who get all Horror Face about telling you that the dust in your house is really human skin

Cooper Being Gary Oldman in Sid and Nancy 15 Aug 2013 | 05:30 am

 In this scene, the inebriated rocker passes out after browbeating Nancy for nine hours for putting his leather pants in the dryer.

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