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Here's The Problem With What Happened Last Night At The Oscars 1 Mar 2011 | 06:14 am

It's good to know that the Academy doesn't learn from past mistakes. When Tom Hooper received the Best Director Oscar last night, I died a little inside. Fincher didn't move, but then again, he didn'...

Time Changes A Man 23 Dec 2010 | 04:48 pm

I have changed over the years. My hair has grayed a bit. My stomach has grown softer. My desire for hot sauce - stronger. My eyesight has weakened. I'd like to say I'm smarter, but maybe not. One thin...

How A Movie Like The Smurfs Ever Gets Made - DAY 1 28 Nov 2010 | 04:20 pm

Lazy Eye Theatre - Wandering Film Talk

An Open Letter To HBO 12 Nov 2010 | 09:05 am

To Whom It May Concern At HBO My name is Piper. You may know me from such posts as My Comedy Penis, I Am Pathetic, and My Marriage Proposal To the Newly Single Kate Winslet among others. But enough a...

That's Not Noise, That's Music 9 Nov 2010 | 11:40 am

About half-way through The Social Network, my father leaned forward, turned his head towards me and said in a voice that did not suggest he was in a crowded theater "what is that noise that keeps play...

Everything I Know In Life, I Learned From The Movies 27 Oct 2010 | 10:05 am

Installment #1: How To Have The Best Breakfast Of Your Life. In order to have the best breakfast of your life, here's what you have to do: First, go find a really shitty job. One that you have no int...

The Comfort Of Zombies 19 Oct 2010 | 09:17 am

Things haven't been super rosy with Piper lately. Some shit has gone down. I won't bore you with all the specifics, but the biggest news is that my father-in-law passed away a couple of weeks ago. He ...

An Important Message From Machete 7 Sep 2010 | 11:44 am

Hello. This is Machete. I have an important message for all of you out there. Especially for those of you who want to get laid. If you want to get laid, there's one thing you have to do. Kill people. ...

Untitled 21 Aug 2010 | 04:56 am

Watch this. Then click here. Then pee yourself a little. Lazy Eye Theatre - Wandering Film Talk

My Dinner With Schmucks 2 Aug 2010 | 06:25 am

Based on the marketing campaign behind Dinner For Schmucks, one might guess that the movie is A) All about a dinner in which idiots are invited to dinner so that people may laugh at them B) A comedy...

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