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Breaking News: Sophomore Won’t Have Booze Next Year 17 May 2013 | 05:00 pm
The golden age of 21 usually graces students with its arrival during their junior year of college. It is a beautiful time, a time when you can finally get legally shitfaced, spend extravagant amounts ...
Book Review: The Great Gatsby or The Great Gaffesby? 15 May 2013 | 05:00 pm
In my younger and more vulnerable years I believed that books could one day rival movies in their vividness and complexity. Sadly, civilization’s going to pieces; I’ve gotten to be a terrible pessimis...
Team Wins Relay for Life 13 May 2013 | 08:03 pm
The Relay for Life is an event that unites 4 million people in 21 different countries in common cause against a disease that has spread like a cancer through the human race in recent decades: Cancer. ...
Society of First Generation Black Native American Women With One Jewish Grandmother in Computer Science at Stanford Almost Gets First Member 13 May 2013 | 08:02 pm
Sophomore Malika Purser declared as a CS major last week and along with a warm welcome into the CS community, she received another piece of good news — an official invitation to join The Society of Fi...
7- Year- Old Worried That GPA May Prevent Him From Becoming Racecar Driver 13 May 2013 | 08:01 pm
Speaking with reporters after leaving school for the day, local first grader Dennis Miller expressed concern last week that his less than stellar academic history might prevent him from becoming the f...
Movie Review: The Great Gatsby – The Movie was WAY Better than the Book 13 May 2013 | 08:00 pm
My best friend and I were lucky enough to snag tickets to The Great Gatsby on opening weekend, and let me tell you, Baz Luhrmann really outdid himself. The costumes were amazing, the acting was impecc...
Opinion: I’m So Full 8 May 2013 | 05:00 pm
Oh man, guys. I’m so full. Arrillaga is really killing it tonight. Who in their right mind would serve macaroni and cheese on the same day as the panini station? It wasn’t that boxed shit either; the ...
Student Discovers He’s White 7 May 2013 | 05:00 pm
Twain freshman Mark Morris was greeted with an unwelcome surprise this past week when he was alerted to the fact that he was, in fact, Caucasian. Said his floormate, James Anduro, “It was starting to ...
Friend Who Rushed Frat Ironically Now Taking This Whole Pledge Thing Really Seriously 6 May 2013 | 08:01 pm
Despite assurances that he only attended fraternity rush events for the “free food” and the “irony of the whole thing,” reports are surfacing that freshman Joe Sommerstein has become quite invested in...
Local Man Carries All His Groceries in One Trip, Recruited to Special Forces 6 May 2013 | 08:00 pm
Recruiters for the US Special Forces approached local resident Mark Matthews yesterday to offer him a position in their prestigious ranks, impressed by his ability to carry all of his groceries into h...
