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Venezuelan drug lords, Border Patrol, and horse beaters: my San Diego vacay 8 Sep 2012 | 01:14 am

I’ve neglected this thing worse than June from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo neglects her family’s nutritional needs, which I sincerely apologize for.  I’ve actually had a couple stories on my back-burner ...

Pilates, pore strips, and poor food choices: My life as a live-in girlfriend and gym rat. 11 Jul 2012 | 05:02 am

I haven’t posted on here in quite a while, but this time it’s with good reason. I finally put on my big girl pants and did two things that 5-years-ago Beergarden would’ve dismissed completely as “when...

Mo Liquor + Mo ’90s Hip-Hop = A Fantastic Voyage 24 Apr 2012 | 12:09 pm

This weekend I went out drinking with some friends and we ended up at a tequila bar in my neighborhood. The moment I walked in the door the DJ, who looked like a cross between Herbert Kornfeld from Th...

I attribute my adult career success to pizza. 20 Apr 2012 | 11:55 am

I was talking to somebody today about taco pizza and how it was supposedly invented at a restaurant called Happy Joe’s, which originated in my hometown. What a claim to fame, right? It was basically l...

Ridin’ dirty in my friend’s Power Wheels Jeep 8 Mar 2012 | 02:42 pm

So today as I was walking home from the train, I encountered an obese woman on a Rascal scooter at an intersection who started up a conversation with me. She proceeded to tell me about how, because it...

Mexican drug cartels and spaghetti tacos: My weekend getaway in Monterrey 21 Feb 2012 | 02:33 pm

I know some of you might find this shocking, but being a white girl from a suburban town in Iowa, I’m a little bit sheltered. I feel like there’s some psychological explanation between that and my fas...

Ethnographic field research at a suburban meat market 16 Jan 2012 | 09:13 am

Yesterday I paid a veterinarian $90 to stick her finger up my cat’s asshole and express her anal glands. I start this post out with that because I feel like the adjectives that go hand in hand with th...

I can remember the Tile Outlet commercials verbatim, but I can’t remember basic mental math. 6 Jan 2012 | 02:43 pm

As a longtime viewer of WGN Morning news, I’ve become well-acquainted with many local TV commercials that get played on a regular basis. I figured it might be amusing to share some of these gems and w...

December Debacles 30 Dec 2011 | 02:24 pm

I’ve been horrible about updating this bad boy over the past couple of months, but I figured I have enough “material” from December to pull a blog post out of my ass, so here’s a recap of some things ...

I saw a middle-aged dude fingerbang a woman’s butt crack at Buffalo Wild Wings 30 Nov 2011 | 11:33 am

So some of you might remember what happened the last time I went to Buffalo Wild Wings back home in Iowa. If not, take the time to read through this before continuing on with this post. Anyway, while...

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